SLEEP???

Sleep feels like an elusive stranger to me~~moments come where I can grab hold of some Sleep and my body is able to rest.  I look back at all the years of Chronic Pain, and realize my view of a full night's Sleep is much different than others.   My husband is sleeping peacefully in our room, I have learned how to ease out of bed, being careful not to wake  him up.  I do  pause and look at him~~~thats when it hits--
                                               "So that's what  SLEEP looks like~~Lucky  Guy!"

I walk into the kitchen, trying to  find my  way for  a glass of water~~suddenly the lights come on and I  hear that familiar  voice~~~"So-you can't  sleep  either--how  about  I stay up  too!"
My heart swells with love--knowing I am not alone and we will  find our way through this journey, together!

God be with all  who suffer with Physical Pain.  Martha
                                 

Laughing together about Pain~~~~

There are moments in our married life where PAIN  does its best to  push between us, we  are  not perfect--but without question our LOVE is solid as a  rock.   So its a shock when we  can see
the  daily grind of PAIN being in our midst  has worn us  down---I am a physical  mess, and my sweet husband  is  tired---so  tired of this invisible enemy taking me apart, one piece  at  a time. 

We don't look for any special weapons or tools to fix our mental exhaustion~~instead we sit down and TALK- its not a cake walk~~one goes first--pushing the other to be  Honest and let  all the frustration rise to  the surface,  knowing we need  it  out  in the open!  It doesn't take long to  shake  everything  out~~we are tired of  the PAIN--but know its not leaving my body anytime soon!!  

As we walk away, my husband stops~~asking if he can gently put his arm around my Neck area~~I want him to sweep  me into his arms, but that is  not possible.   I assure him its okay--feeling the joy as his arm resting gently against  my body~~ we take a few steps--I suddenly stop  to let him know--"time to  move your  arm away!"   Laughter flows between us as he says 'How  about giving this another try in a few months!!!"   Love, Honesty, Laughter~~~we are together in this Journey with Pain........

martha

The Daily Battle with Pain

It never stops hurting---PAIN--my friendly side-kick is always present, sometimes settling into  a steady Hum~~~not pulling so much of me down.   These are  the good  moments with Pain being in my life~~~strange as that sounds.    Its a grudging respect of sorts that I have slowly learned to give Pain~~~believe me,  I do Not like giving anymore of  me to this long battle with Chronic Pain!

I look in the mirror and see just how much Pain has really robbed  from me~~~my face is a roadmap  of  Wrinkles~~~some  is the natural process we call  Aging,  but the rest feels like true battle scars I carry as a result of so many years  of Pain being constantly with me.    There are days when I am not up for the battle~~~I retreat into my corner of the Pain Ring and  simply take care of Me!  I know Pain will not stop, but  this is where the "Peace Treaty" seems to take place~~~~Pain probably kicks  angry dust up,  not wanting the battle to  stop  for even a second~~but  seems to understand- 'She is coming back--I will just Wait for her."

If I could give  anybody some advice on how to live  with Chronic Pain~~~it sounds lame but its the way I  see this wicked thing called Chronic Pain--No one person can tell you how to fight your personal battle---You are the only one who knows the Path.    Take advice with a  grain of salt- many people  care deeply and hate seeing anybody in Pain.

Its a lonely journey we  walk with Chronic Pain~~~~please pray for us, we need heart-felt words of Prayer.  God bless.

martha

A Younger Martha-Just Having Fun.....

I can still recall this moment--we were headed to see my parents and a small creek was close, as it pulled for our attention to stop and enjoy!  My Leg was so easy to kick up, no Pain anywhere, just pure Joy of being young, filled with Love for my husband!   

Why aren't we looking ahead, wondering when the "bad times" will arrive?  We are living~~treasuring the moments as we have them~~I can look at this photo--and a vivid memory rises to the surface, how cold the water felt on my feet, it was crystal clear, and I loved kicking the water upward, not caring if my new Jeans got wet.  I was living this moment in time-like storing all of them up~~~We were looking through some old photos and this one surfaced--Matt held it for a long time, asking me if I recalled this place, how many times we loved to stop and play in the water--acting like two kids!

Yes--it was bittersweet, but we both knew this was a memory that will stay with us forever.  I told Matt--"Well--thats not Me anymore" as I tossed the photo away from me~~he took my hand and said "You will ALWAYS be My Girl" --a beautiful way to help me Treasure those times and to cherish these times we go through now.    Its called Living!

I look up and whisper "Thank You God."  

martha

A New Look for My Blog~~~~~~~~

I have noticed changes to other Blog sites and decided it was time for a "fresh new Look"  as I started pushing keys----only to feel a RUSH of fear~~~I was In over my Head!    My  wonderful mentor/dear  Friend  heard  my pleading voice  as I phoned, begging for help to correct the mess I had  made of my  Blog!

In a matter of minutes-she had everything under control and put my "New  Look"  together~~as  I  sat watching in silent Awe, her fingers flying over the keys, occasional questions directed to me as to Colors I liked, different font on my Blog Page and before  I could say a huge THANK  YOU---it was done and I sat admiring her delicate touch.  

This gal is my dear friend~~~~we have been through many rough seas,  facing tough life issues together, sharing sadness and joy.  She has  faced some of  the hardest  times Life can throw at a person and yet  she found  an inner courage~~strengthened by a deep Faith and kept moving. 

This special  gal was the one who gently guided me to the Blogging world--I never thought words could come  out of  me as  I  slowly began sharing my story of Living  with Chronic Pain--but once I started writing--it felt like  somebody  had  opened  the Flood  Gates--pushing me to talk about the hard  battle  Chronic Pain brings to me each day.   I owe my friend  a life-time of Thanks for her love and support!!    Thank you dear Sheryl..........

God sent me a wonderful friend to love.......    martha

The SHTICK Creater Nailed my Dream~

                                                    Martha's Dream-Created by:  The SHTICKS

One glance~~ "What type of  Dream did this Woman have?"   I had a Nightmare with a  SHTICK Twist~~my body feeling like  a  Mass of  Flames!  The  Dream unfolded  exactly as  it  appears~~~Martha-the Strong SHTICK  stunned to see "Martha-the Burning SHTICK"-down for the count.  I shared my dream with the amazing "Veronica  SHTICK and she gave it  "SHTICK LIFE!"    Nothing was missed by Veronica the SHTICK~~she captured my Fears and helped ease all the worry brought on by a terrible Nightmare..    all my love and thanks, martha

New Treatment-Bad Day!

On the road again ~~~its dark as we rush through early morning traffic, heading toward a "New Treatment Plan" to ease the horrible Burning Pain in my Butt! Silence hangs heavy between us~~both of us in deep thought~~~I wrack my brain trying to grasp our emotions. 

Suddenly its like a Light Switch has been hit~~~we are afraid to feel HOPE again!!   All of my "Treatment for Pain" is  familiar to us-- like a warm blanket ~~but today is loaded with the Unknown!  We arrive~~not a word exchanged,  I walk in, grab the paperwork, and wait to be called back.  

Its safe to say moments like this for people who suffer with Chronic Pain are similar to "Bungee Cord Jumping"  we are taking emotions, coping skills, everything we have been through~as we Test our inner courage one more time.  My visit was swift~~ New Doctor explained the Treatment, pausing to ask "Why" I had climbed a Tree~~~~~~~~~~

Within seconds a stranger had me back at the TREE~~~~now I had to hunt for all the years of courage and strength--feeling very Lost and Sad.  Our conversation ended, the treatment was quick and out the door I went.  Matt was snoozing in the car--waking quickly to assess 

all the "damage"~~~~he said "How about some Breakfast?"  I glowed with his Love and knew these were some big bumps in the road~~together we will go past them.

Many are Suffering with Chronic Pain--let us Lift each other Up--not pushing someone down with "words" that hurt!  I will ask the Doctor "Have you ever suffered with a Pain that never goes away?  Have You??

Having to let go of a Hug~~~

Writing from the Heart-Martha Herden

Our church had its yearly fund raiser last night~~many from the community arriving as  loving Hugs are shared, along with good food, laughter, friendly bidding during a Live Auction.  My husband  begged me all week "We should Not go~~~Somebody is going to grab you for a Hug, your Neck will only get worse!"  

I listened to his fears, changing my mind a dozen times~~and decided PAIN was not going to rob this night from us.  A table was waiting for us as dear friends gathered around~~laughter began to flow and I could feel all the tension drain away.  Many began to reach for me--wanting to share a Hug with me~~they stopped--as my hand went up~ "Bad Neck ahead-do Not Hug this Woman!"

My heart ached~~a gentle Pat on my shoulder will be my "Hug" now~~my husband watched a flash of Sadness cross my face~~our eyes locked, as I felt silent words "I love you" flowing between us.  We have already faced "Letting Go of our Hugs"~~yet  our Love is strong and we walk the path of  Pain together, knowing HE is beside us each second of the day..

Thank you God.  

martha

Going Back to my Roots~~

Young Martha

My Granny-Elsie

My Mother-Dorothy

Time passes fast~~yet these photos seem like it 

was "Yesterday" as I remember standing in

front of a glowing Cake--all dressed up in a pretty 

New Dress.  I could only imagine the late hours Moma spent working on it~~~wanting me to look

pretty on my Special Day....

The "Impish"grin on Granny's face~as if she held a delicious secret! Hours were spent on her porch as
she taught me how to Cross-Stitch. 
                      Her words stay close to my heart~~

       "Remember to keep your Hands busy-It Chases your Worries Away!"

They were strong Women~~enduring long hours of hard work on a Farm, as I go back to my Roots- its easy to see where I first learned  the Lessons about Courage, Strength and Faith.  
                         
I carry them both in my heart~~Forever!
martha

"Going to the Beach while having an MRI exam"

My body has  been rolled  into an MRI machine  many times  during my  journey with Chronic  Pain~~ each time is a challenge as I do NOT  like small-enclosed  areas.  The  sounds  made by the machine are unreal, ear plugs  are  needed and some have headphones for music.  I choose to relax and take a trip to the Beach~~~~

Its late afternoon--the Sun beginning its slow descent as I sit in a huge  chair~~~wave after wave rolling toward me, growing smaller as cool water reaches the Beach.  My hand drops down to feel the ocean waters, as I contemplate how far the waves  have traveled~~it feels this  moment has been waiting just  for me and I whisper silent prayers of thanksgiving to the Creator of all Oceans!  I glance down the shoreline to  see  my husband taking a  long stroll~~~sunglasses cover his caring  eyes, a baseball cap protecting his bald  head~~~I clap my hands  quietly as he tries to "chase" the ocean waters.  He stops---looking back to check on me, our hands waving in united Love  for each other~~~~the Sun signals us by its now-rapid  sinking into the Ocean Waters!  

"The exam is done Martha" as the loud noise stops and the  aide is asking "Well, how was it  for you?"  I pause for a second~~~"Oh I went to the Beach--it was magical!" He smiles as I  struggle  to sit up--PAIN arriving as I move~~~

Martha