Finding Something to Enjoy....

Cold weather comes and I keep thinking---is there any place  to  hide from the Pain that comes with these  crazy weather changes?   The answer comes swift--no place to hide, just have to ride it out and wait for the Sunshine to peek its beautiful rays out again.   

Who feels like doing anything when your body is throbbing with Pain that simply will not stop hurting?   I can rise quickly to anger-snapping at my husband for no reason, apologizing over and over for being so irritable.   During the past few months we have both talked about how I need a 
"New Project" to occupy my mind as  I cope  with the ups  and downs of Chronic Pain.   

I verbally agreed with him but silently thought "Give it a rest!  Nothing is going to help my mood  right now, Nothing!"   Its the rut we can all slide into---Pain rising and falling with the Weather, having LONG nights like the one I am having now~~~Sleep seems to hide, I search for something to do besides sit and watch the television (after 2:00am--not much to see on the screen)  and so I reach for my computer keys--hoping the words will help.   

Then I stop and pray~~ "Lord  I thank you for all the blessings you send my way!   If you don't mind, I could  really use some HELP  right now with this miserable Leg Pain!"   I know my prayers are heard--I must find patience for the answer.......

So how would I know there was something just  around the corner that could bring me some wonderful Joy---we had lunch today at one of our Special places to eat--meaning its so much more than a restaurant!   There is a theatre upstairs for out of town Musicians to display their talents, an Art Studio at the end for both young and old artists to learn the joy of putting brush to canvas and see what comes to life!   

Today the latest addition almost seemed to "Have my Name on the door" as  I glanced  to see a sign that  read "Textile Studio" ~~something pushed me to go take a look.  My husband was lingering behind, telling me over and over "I don't think this part is opened yet.  Lets wait for another  day to see it" but I never heard his words.  As I stepped into the Studio--it was like a huge Pandora's box of Wall to Wall Fabrics  greeted me!   The  Shelving ran from the floor to the ceiling (very old building--walls are 12 feet high or more)  and I could not take my eyes away from this glorious arrangement of Fabrics!  

Quilts made by others hung in various display--I kept walking and whispered to my husband "Have you ever seen anything like this?"   He wasn't  taking in all the beauty I was seeing--but instead  was standing in silent awe as his wife suddenly was like a young girl--having discovered a beautiful treasure!   A clerk approached me and began explaining how the store was designed and let me know there would be an upcoming Class on learning how to Quilt!

I could not fill the  paperwork  out fast enough--as I knew this was  a place I wanted to see over and over again!  As we got home, my husband told me "You were like a little Girl--I haven't seen that much excitement in you for  a  long time!"   

The classes will start soon and I will be there~~~loving every moment of being surrounded by so much beauty!  Wish me Luck on my First Quilt!

God please be with all the people who are suffering with Pain--bring them comfort!

martha

The "new" Blog Look!

I look at my "New" blog design and it hits me as to why this choice~~the background images reflect Age-the walls are old and show a lot of "wear & tear."  Photos hanging on the wall, showing images of a very different era,  the "Crank Phone" image transports me back to being a very young girl, watching my Grandma giving the phone a few turns, reaching her friends and talking for hours. 

In many ways I feel like  the aged Walls~~~my body carries a ton of aches and pain.   Here I am in the dark of night--while others sleep, I am typing away,  trying to put my frustration with Pain into  words and not having much success with it.

Lately I seem to have a rough edge all around me~~like the old wallpaper,  the wear and tear of a long battle with Pain is showing on me.  I can't erase the awful day when I fell out of a Tree--no changing that fact, instead I must keep tugging at "my bootstraps" and keep moving down the road of life.

Yes, the old walls are a reflection for me as I continue on~~Joy is still out there, just waiting for me to find it.  I refuse to give up...........

God bless all who are suffering.  You are not alone.    

martha

I just can't Decide!

Martha at Five Years old

All dressed up and happy about my Birthday cake~~but my problem was which Candle to start blowing out First!   As I look back, that seems like such a simple issue--I recall how Proud I was to be in my Brand New Dress  Moma had been working hard on so it would be ready for this day!   

Now I fast forward many years later and here I sit, "experimenting" with my BlogDesign--making changes so fast that I can't keep up with them!  One will look fantastic, the next one results in leaving me feeling like  I am in desperate need of  "Design Web Page  for Dummies" book!  

I see other Blog sites and think "Wow,  how did they do that?"  Suddenly it hits me--I can change my Blog look every single day, but  the most important issue is what I share in words.   When I start writing~~for whatever reason, the words come and I let them flow.   Nope-I  am not the best writer in the world--I write from my heart and that will never change.  

Perhaps  that is the key~~~~I am trying to be technical in designing a New Blog look--time to open my heart and see what happens!    Thanks for being patient.......

God Bless.  

Martha

Chronic Pain~~~a Silent Thief

I have a dear friend who suffers with Chronic Pain~~He amazes me with his Silent Dignity in the face of Pain that could easily take the strongest person to the ground.  I can tell how he is doing simply by the sound of  his voice and my heart aches for what he must  endure each day.

Chronic Pain has taken so much from him--simple physical activity  he once cherished  is now changed, each move he takes  is careful and deliberate.  The last  thing he needs is any further  injury to his aching Body.   We check on each other, pray for each other, and lift  each other up in spirit by simple encouraging words "We can Do This~~yes, We Can Get through this Bout of Pain!"   

Tonight I felt Pain approaching my body~~silent, steady--just like a Thief in the Dark.   No place to  run or hide--just ride it out and pray for the Pain to release its grip!  

There are good days for my friend, and for me and countless others who suffer with Chronic Pain, and we give thanks to God for those days!  Its nice when the "Silent Thief" takes a break from our  Pain-weary Bodies.

Last night I prayed  hard for my friend, and asked God for a bit of help for me too!   Its okay to ask HIM for assistance~~HE  knows my Prayers  before the words leave my lips!

I am eternally Thankful for HIS loving Grace..........martha

Oops-I skipped Black Friday Shopping!

Yes its true~~I skipped the biggest shopping day of the year--Black Friday!   As I watched the mid-day news and saw people "brawling" over those "can't  live without Bargains" all I could think was-"Well one  good Shove and I would be on the Ground!"

Why do people get into a physical battle over a small discount on an item?   Do  they truly think a real Bargain is waiting for them?   Maybe its the challenge  of waiting in line for hours, in freezing weather, not thinking about getting a Cold--nothing matters except getting that Bargain  deal.

Shopping is  something I would like to do in a  peaceful manner--but that  usually does not happen!  Black Friday would  be  impossible for me to do  because of the lovely Pain that  follows  me around, day and night.  It hurts to stand for too long a time,  and sitting down--well that is out of the picture.   Things change in life--just that  simple, whether its learning how to live  with Pain,   or a major life event--we either adjust  with the change or  stay in one major struggle.

Life is precious and for this old gal--I  can skip  Black Friday shopping!  Besides I know all the stores are packed  with Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!   Too much, too fast,  and way too Soon.

Take care and hope you find a moment  of simple  Joy.    

Blessings,  Martha

Thanksgiving~~~stirring the Memory Pot.........

I have been away from my Blog~~wish I could say it was something big that took me away from my writing but its not.  Doubts and fear surfaced and I needed time to sort everything out.   Perhaps one thing I needed to learn was to give myself permission in taking a day or  two or three weeks off from writing.   The break has helped and I realized just how very much I miss sharing my thoughts and life with others--its very important to me as I share my journey of living with chronic pain--always hoping I can be of help to others  who must walk this wicked path.  

There are so many things I am truly thankful for  at this  Thanksgiving~~~I thank God for giving me the strength each day to get up and move~~~keep moving and looking for some Joy, regardless of how bad the Pain gets.  Don't get me wrong~~~there are many days when I simply can't do much, and this is when I really Learn to respect  this Pain--my body needs rest and its okay to  "be lazy" when these days arrive.  I am beyond thankful for my  amazing Husband~~~who stands with me,  helps  me through the tough times, holds me during the Sad times, laughs with me at things that seem Funny just to us!  

So how did Thanksgiving "Stir the Memory Pot" so easily?   Simple~~~memories of so many times with family and friends who have passed on.  Remembering my First Thanksgiving as a married woman and having my parents there to enjoy the meal with us.  Thank goodness I managed to cook the Turkey and dressing---recalling our son chewing on a huge Turkey leg as a very young toddler~~pausing on that memory, sadness rising and the realization of knowing this is our life now and we cherish it  just the way it  is.  

We  used a  lot of Pots  today--each  one managed to  bring another memory to the surface and there was much laughter today, as we remembered  that long ago time when it was just the two of us and that was all  we needed.  Today as we prayed before our meal, we felt "our loved ones" watching over us and realized there will always be a "Stirring of the Memory Pot" at times of holidays.   I pray your
Thanksgiving day was peaceful and  happy.  

Thanks for following my Blog and I pray you will drop  in and read my words again.   Martha

I Don't Quit~~

Words  I have  whispered~~clinging to them as Struggles in Life have come my way, I speak them with strong Assurance--a verbal  challenge within me as the words fly  from me~~

"I Don't Quit!"

Where do the words come from?   My Answer is simple--Everything I am,  all the Blessings given to me throughout  my Life come directly from God.   HE  is  my constant Light I  reach for in the darkest  hours  of my  Battle with Pain.   HE shows me Joy in each day  as  I  walk  the path of Life with my "Best Blessing"~~my dear  Husband!  

I  am assured by Faith--knowing God  will never Quit, HIS  love is Constant......

HE is the MASTER  of my LIFE.