In the sixteen years of my journey with Chronic Pain, it is a true statement to say that I have lost count of the many suggestions offered by caring people wanting to see this misery I carry with me go away. Their motives are pure because, in all honesty, it is uncomfortable for us to see our fellow human beings suffering with the silent monster we call Chronic Pain. People whom I have known for years have come up to me and told me, "You look like there's nothing wrong so what's going on with you?"
At first, I was angry. But then I realized it does no good to let anger rule. So I began the process of trying to put a face to my particular Pain and within seconds, it was obvious nobody understood when I talked about scar tissue wrapping around the sciatic nerve and how the burning feeling of fire going down my leg and landing at my foot, never stopping to give me a second to catch my breath but instead taking over my leg and trashing it out with Pain. How can you tell someone about the heating pad burn marks on your back because I would finally fall asleep in exhaustion from nights of Pain upon Pain, not realizing the heating pad was still on and cooking my backside.
Finally a day came while I was at church, waiting for services to begin, and in a small area where I helped the priest get ready for the service, and didn't realize I had been physically hitting my upper thigh area over and over again. A nice gentleman was in the room and asked me, "Isn't there something you can do to make that Pain go away?" It wasn't the statement he made, but deep frustration inside me that opened a desk drawer to grab a small tiny hammer and started pounding away on my leg! I felt so foolish, and his look was saying "she really has lost her grip." All I wanted to do was cry in desperation, but I held my emotions in check and made light of what he had witnessed.
It's hard enough fighting the battle of Chronic Pain, let alone learning to be a mini-version of a doctor, prepared with all your own personal documentation so you can explain "the problem" and then try to justify why so many different types of treatment for Chronic Pain do not help always. Let's be honest–each person is different. No Pain battle is the same; we each have areas of our body that hurt more, various levels of nerve damage to our legs, back, feet, shoulders. You name it, and one way or another, Pain can get to any part it hasn't reached yet.
I will never stop a person from offering their suggestions about my Chronic Pain treatment because they are taking the time to care, face my Pain up close and see what toll it takes. One good friend tells me, "Your face always tells me what type of day you are having. The Pain really does show." She is right. I am unable to cover the dark circles under my eyes or the bone weary look inside them, or the slower walk I take when Pain is on the run, dragging me along with it.
If there were just one perfect way to cure Pain, I believe there would be a Line of Chronic Pain suffering people that would stretch for miles, all lining up to grab hold of the perfect cure! If we can give ourselves a moment to think past the Pain, we might see how people are being educated by us because not everyone can describe with perfect clarity which Pain medication helps, what anti-inflammatory drug works, where the great Pain Management Clinics are at and all the various Pain conditions we either deal with or learn about from others walking this same Path we are on.
My hope is for all those suffering with Chronic Pain to be in the driver's seat with you being the leader. Pain does not like to be ruffled, dulled, moved around, and certainly never likes to be wiped out. So give your Pain a run for its money. Fight with everything you have, dealing with the Pain issue at hand, and not losing precious energy in the hunt for a perfect cure. For me, I simply look up and ask His help. Do not be afraid to ask people you know to Pray for you. Thank them, walk away and who knows, you might be surprised at the results of that one simple request, "Please pray for me," powerful and humble words from the heart.
Hang in there to all who are suffering. Keep fighting back so you find a simple moment of joy. Today I was able to make a grocery store trip and my joy came when I saw my dear husband trying to balance two watermelons, one determined to fall out of his grip, but he made it. It was a fun moment!
God bless every person battling with Chronic Pain. Please know there is a prayer said by me each night for all of you!
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