Monday, July 30, 2012

Looking at the Face of Pain~~~

 I had to catch one of my fellow church members yesterday to let him know the Oral History Interview Tape we did was ready for him to view and offer any suggestions of changes.  My mind was not on how I look-the answer is well-known, probably explains why I don't look in the mirror that much!  Mornings are the worst "Face of Pain" nothing pretty about it, and I feel like a dozen more Wrinkles found their way onto my face during my nightly battle with Pain.

As I reached for the Truck Keys, dear husband stepped up in his protective way and said "Martha-do you really want to go down to the church?  You sure look tired this morning!"  His words sunk in, but I refused to allow Pain any victory-instead I grabbed my sunglasses, smoothed my wrinkled hair and said "Okay-do you think I will pass now for everybody who sees me?"

After 37 years of marriage, he knew it was best to Agree with Martha-a gentle smile spread across his face as he said , "Well, be Nice and hurry back!"  That man had No idea of how much he did for me in speaking those few words!  He could have run this errand for me-but realized I had the inner strength to venture out-no matter how bad I looked.  So off to church I went, walking in with Sunglasses on, sudden glances coming my way as I found the young Man and sat down for a quick conversation with him.  I took the glasses off-there was no need to hide as I heard him ask "Did you get Any Rest last Night?"  As I glanced toward the floor-fighting for a joking answer, he said "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

We both knew the answer to his caring question-I took a second to find my voice- "This is my Path to walk-I  live with Pain, just offer up a prayer for me now and then, that will be fine!"  It was a special moment, we made arrangements to meet later so he could see the Video and I walked out-wondering how many people did choose to "take a look at Pain."  

I arrived back at home to find my husband standing in the same spot when I left-and I eased his fears-
"It was a Piece of Cake-nothing to it!" My moment of Joy comes today as I bake a Cake for his Birthday! After all-he is a Keeper~~~

God be with you-I pray He gives you courage to fight the battle of Chronic Pain.  martha

Saturday, July 28, 2012

My Special Teacher~~~

My Dear Granny
I came across this photo-its a special one as she is standing next to me on my Wedding day!  It felt only right to crop this photo-because I wanted to let all of this special woman shine through as I share a few thoughts about her.

Granny was about Five feet tall, had hair down to her waist, but she wore a Wig for this picture! She wanted to look special for this wonderful day, probably working hard till the last minute to finish sewing her outfit!  She made everything-ranging from clothes, quilts, crochet work that held a special beauty and of course, Embroidery work.  It seems she always had a few words of Wisdom for me-One long ago day as we sat on her porch, me struggling away with my project-she took time to share with me,
  "This is something you Need to learn!  It will help you- When your Hands are busy, well your mind stays occupied on the work, taking all your worries away!"

During my years with Pain, I have worked on many different projects-enjoying them but none have brought me Granny's message-until I picked up Embroidery threads and started working on a long forgotten skill.  With each stitch I make, it feels as if She is looking over my shoulder, watching to see how many goofs I make in the stitches, I smile, making sure to correct my mistakes!

As a child I recall watching Granny braid her long hair, it was poetry in motion to see her taking one strand of hair, lay it over the other, making two Perfect Pig Tales of Hair to pin up!  She never allowed her hair to be cut-until one day came that changed her life forever.  Granny loved to travel with some women from church one day a week to visit church members who were sick and needed some friendly smiles.  They had just left a church member's home, all chattering away and disaster struck!  The lady who was driving forgot about a stop sign and the car was suddenly on a major highway, as another car hit them!  She was sitting in the backseat and the impact caused the door to fly off, sending Granny flying out of the car, and being slammed against an embankment!  

When I saw her in Intensive Care, the doctors told us the impact had broken many major bones in her body and they doubted she would make it through the night-if she did, there was no hope of her ever walking or driving again!  I prayed hard for Granny, recalling her tremendous determination and asking God to please help her-my prayers were heard, as she did recover-learning to walk again and yes-she was able to drive again!

Having this recent memory of Granny being in that accident-felt like someone had turned a Light Switch On for Me!  Long before I found myself in Chronic Pain with an injury I can't run from, God gave me this amazing Woman-allowing me a glimpse of Faith & Courage, helping me understand-No matter how bad it gets, "with God-all things are possible!"  

Granny suffered tremendous Pain after that accident-and she could also predict Rain coming-this brings a "Bitter Sweet Memory" to my heart.  Yet she never gave up-until the final insult from the Accident caught up with her-much needed blood given to her during the early days in Intensive Care came at a time long before Blood was ever fully tested, resulting in Hepatitis C staying with her and finally taking her life.

I thank God for my "Special Teacher" and with each Embroidery Stitch I make, my heart remembers this
amazing woman, and I know-"Keep your Mind Busy, before you know it, all your worries are gone!"

Thank you God-for my dear Granny.

This was my Joy Today-Remembering "Stitches of Love with Granny."

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Looking for Answers~~~

In the early days of Chronic Pain flying into my life-I racked my brain, trying to understand why my Leg was hurting so bad-feeling like somebody was constantly rubbing Sand Paper on the inside of my knee-and one toe after the other going Numb!  I ignored other parts of my body that had taken a beating from Falling-as new Pains kept showing up daily-with my Leg being the Victim.  No answers came as I settled into my new lifestyle- Constant Pain, Repeated nights of minimal sleep-as my body began showing me what Pain looked like.  I hated seeing dark circles under my eyes, forgetting to do simple things- I walked around in a zombie-like manner, and kept ignoring Pain!

There were many long nights of Pain pulling me from sleep and I would walk around the house, just walking-trying to Beat the Pain but not having a Clue in the world as to the Monster I now faced. Our front porch became a Massage table of sorts-as I devised a way of rocking back and forth, rolling on the Sciatic Nerve that runs under my Butt and I could feel a sudden Sting-meaning I had found the Nerve and it gave me seconds of Relief!  Strange thing to do, I lost count of how many nights I spent on that porch, acting as my own Doctor-with this weird Pain Relief Procedure.

Finally I could no longer ignore the Pain-so the Medical Search began-Doctor after Doctor, telling me 
"Its all in your Mind-just forget about it" or "We think you have M.S.-we think?" All the while, my restless nights continued, as I started sleeping on a Heating Pad-seeking relief that never came.  I recall 
one Doctor examining me and asking "How did you get these Burn Marks on your Back?"  My mind pondered for a few seconds and it hit me "Oh thats from sleeping on a Heating Pad" no further questions
came from him!  I stopped searching and began Praying-asking God to send a Doctor my way-one that cared enough to Fight the Battle With Me.

It took time, but my Prayer was answered- God brought me a Doctor who deals with Pain Management who was willing to take me on and stay the course with me!  She promised no miracle cure-but she saw
My fierce Determination- we fought together, through some of the darkest moments, and we will continue the Journey. She has stayed the course with me, as she looks for answers to ease my Pain-her job has not been easy- as she must deliver the Cold Reality of the long battle I will have with Pain.

Nothing about Chronic Pain is easy-not a dang thing is easy!  But I am determined Pain Won't Beat Me!  Perhaps this is the best answer I could hope to find~~~~

God be with each person suffering in Pain.  I pray for you.  Please pray for me.


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Too many Bumps in the Pain Road~~~~~

My Moma had her own "Spin" of using words, putting them in phrases that seemed to only make sense to her-but as I move along on the Pain Road, I find myself going back to her words and somehow they seem to find a way of Fitting into this tough Journey I am on.

If she saw me take up an issue with my fierce determination, I would hear words like "Well Daughter, you just put a Big Pile of Rocks on the Road-nobody can get around them!"  Geez-I can't Lift Rocks anymore, there is No way I can Block this Road of Pain!   Moma would see me taking a person to task who had done wrong to others, and out would fly Words put together that only Moma seemed to get:
"Martha Lynn-You just Ripped that person's Britches Upside Down, they need a new pair now!"

I would love to tell Moma- "I can't Rip this Pain away from me"  it grows stronger as I find myself stumbling on the Journey, forgetting to do things, missing phone calls and texts from friends-because I am weary- and there is no way to let friends know-my goofs are not deliberate, its the PAIN!  It seems the Bumps in my Pain Road are growing by leaps and bounds-as I drag along, exhausted from lack of sleep, as the Pain keeps chewing me up, morning, noon and night!

One of my toughest decisions was recently made as I took time away from blogging-for some needed Rest!  Now I am back writing-as another Bump in the Road shows up,  Intense Pain forces me to leave short, choppy Responses to Comments left by those who chose to stop and read my Words! If I decide to ignore the Pain signals,  wicked Flames of Sciatic Burn hit- there is no place to hide, nothing to make it go away!  Its Pain sending me a Notice- "So you forgot again!  Lets see how Long the Burn will last this time!"

As I fight my Back and Forth battle with Pain, these Bumps in the Road are tough- the only person who really understands the battle-is the person living it each day!  I am a person who does not Quit-yes I have been knocked down Hard with Pain-but just as the Disciples were told by Jesus-  "Shake the Dust from your Sandals and move on."  There is no way for me to shake Pain away, but I choose to keep moving, taking life a day at a time.

I made the decision many years ago-Pain Won't Beat Me-and I am grabbing  those words with every fiber of my being.  The Road of Pain is filled with Bumps-but instead of moving them out of the way, I will simply take my time, asking God to hold my hand as I climb around the Pain.  My Moma would probably say "Now Sister, thats the way you skin a Chicken!" No way to Skin Pain, but remembering her unusual twist on words- gave me a moment of Joy on this day!  

Always know, I pray for everyone who suffers with Chronic Pain.  God be with you.


Saturday, July 21, 2012

Sometimes it hurts to stop and Look~

When you live with Chronic Pain-seeing others in Pain happens more often than it did before Pain joined my life, and the images I see-are hard to face, and never leave my mind again.  People who know me see Pain in my eyes and slow walk but if I were to pass a stranger on the street, they probably wouldn't notice the Pain I carry each day.

Sometimes-it truly hurts to stop and look at another who is suffering-we have been given an all too painful and vivid image of Pain and Suffering at its worst: the Theatre Shooting in Colorado,  I have been glued to the screen, listening to details that make no sense-lives cut short, families filled with loss.  We are quick to offer prayers-as we feel so helpless in these horrible events- all we can do is ask God to lift all the hurt up and hold it tightly to His loving Heart.

We got away from  home today-just a quick run to get some groceries, and to also give me a few minutes of rest-Yes my friend Pain really has been on a Run today, stomping me into quiet submission- nothing will get my mind away from the hurting.  So Matt watched as I went one direction in the store, him the other so we can shop quickly and get out of the all too busy store.  I climbed into our truck, wanting nothing more than to get home and pray for this Pain to ease just a tiny bit.

But God gave us both an image that hurt to see-I didn't notice the man, but heard Matt say "Heh, you saw him didn't you?  You always see somebody in Pain-oh my God, it looks like that man can barely draw a breath!"  We were pulling away and I turned-there he was, an older man-slumped over his basket, and truly making every effort to "Suck some Air in to his Lungs" because he was past gasping, all he could do was pant.  Matt stopped, ready to get out and offer help but another man had reached him, as I watched them talk.  

Courage, Determination, Pride-call it what you want, the old man gently waved off any offer of help, taking one or two steps, stopping to find Air and then beginning his painful walk over and over.  He didn't want to admit his need for help-perhaps getting out to the grocery store was one of the few things left that he could do.  That man was giving Pain a Fight-struggling against all odds to find his way, by himself.  I have a strong feeling there was an Extra pair of Footprints walking beside him!  God was there- I could sense it!  Just as I do on my worst days-I know He is with me, helping me find my steps!

There is no way I can ever fully understand what that man goes through each day, struggling to find a breath of fresh air, and I am coming to understand this is part of the Pain Package.  Our friends want to help, offer us new ideas of medical treatment, and give us the best blessing-keeping us in their Prayers.  Maybe Chronic Pain has this strange Two-Way Path~~  We suffer with Pain, those who care for us Suffer as they stand by, feeling helpless. 

I am grateful for anybody who says a Prayer for me!!  Please know, I also pray for you.

Bless you.


Friday, July 20, 2012

What am I supposed to do now?

Recently I took a much needed Break from Blogging-my body has screamed at me "Slow Down", so I threw a Curve Ball at Pain and my decision was made!  Thats when it hit me "What am I supposed to do now?"  Sure I could rest-but the irony of taking a break was twisted-Pain refuses to leave me alone as  doubts rose-worry filled me- what  if my fighting spirit had also taken a sudden detour? Each night as I dragged my Bone-weary Body to bed, I turned to prayer, "Dear Lord, Please help me with this Pain!"
I know HE hears my prayer, as I been so blessed with an abundance of Strength & Courage!  

I ignored the signs of being Tired for too long- my eyes once filled with a Sparkle, now dull and tired-the result of living with Pain! During a recent visit with a dear friend, Courage suddenly helped me find my voice- "I get really Tired from fighting this Battle!" It felt like a Boulder had been lifted off my back- as my Friend remained Silent-giving me a precious gift-Listening without Offering any Suggestions! Words poured out of me, all running together-" I am afraid I will lose the Fight Inside me" my words coming to an abrupt Halt- I now sat silent, feeling lost and so afraid.  Another blessing came my way as She took a long look at my tired eyes, slumped body, as I squirmed in the chair, trying to move around to avoid the Burn in my Leg, and I heard words filled with Love "Its Okay to take a break Martha-None of us understand your Battle-but it might be a good idea if you just stopped and did Nothing!"

 The next day I received an email from this amazing woman-filled with words I shall cherish forever:

She spoke of how falling from the tree changed both the course and context of my life-with Pain now providing the shades, shadows, and textures of each day.  Good Pain Day, Bad Pain Day-this context making my life different from a majority of people!  

Then she gave a image-comparing me to a Football player, staggering down the field with a 300 lb. invisible tackle on my back.  People shouting "Go Martha, Just Do It, Score those Points" nobody understanding the Hard Row I have to Hoe.  Not only the Pain-but a world filled with people who do not understand how Pain re-routes my Life.  

When I finished reading her words, I sat and pounded my chest-tears pouring from my heart as it hit me "Oh My God-Somebody truly Understands!"

God bless all who suffer with Pain, no matter the cause-I pray God will wrap His arms around you!

martha herden

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Describing the NERVE............

Well this should be an easy one, my mind goes quickly to phrases heard over the years "Oh my, the Nerve of that Person saying things to me!"  " Heh, You are getting on my Nerves!"  "I have One Nerve left and its about to Blow!"  "She looks like her Nerves are Shot!"  Comments like these are said-not stopping to consider how much Hurt they bring. Many have heard this sing-song phrase "Sticks and Stones can break my Bones, But Words will Never Hurt Me!"

 Moma repeated these words to me many times and yet also had her own unique perspective on things-
"Martha Lynn-Remember to always Turn the Other Cheek!"  Okay-I understood that clearly-suddenly she added words that took me a long time to understand- "But when you Turn that Cheek, you better figure on Getting Whip Lash!"  Yet even Moma would have those moments only a Mother can have-
"If you Kids don't get quiet, I am about to lose my Last Nerve!"  I recall thinking, how does a Person lose a Nerve?  But I made sure to never ask her!

So how can I take these verbal examples of describing the word-NERVE- and link it to Physical Pain coming from a Damaged Nerve?  Wow-not that hard-I start with my Sciatic Nerve, linking it with "Heh, this constant Pain is really Getting on My Nerve!"  After sixteen years of non-stop Pain, its easy to compare my Nerve Pain with "This One Nerve feels like its about to Blow" and the best one- "That Gal looks like her Nerve is Shot for good!"

I sat here typing, look out my window to see Dark clouds forming-suddenly realizing "Martha-your Butt started Burning ten minutes ago-but you ignored it" just confirmation of my trusty Weather Predicting
Body telling me Rain is Coming!  Then it hits me "I am sitting on my Sciatic Nerve-the one I damaged forever" as I remember my recent Web Surfing-finding a strong explanation of Nerve Damage, and it hits me-my body is simply sending a message to me-letting me know my old Friend, The Sciatic Nerve is never leaving! 

My definition of the Nerve is simple-The Sciatic Nerve is the most Wicked Nerve in the Body!  So be careful about climbing a ladder, tree, standing on a chair-take my advice, this is One Nerve you do Not want to Mess with!

I keep all who suffer with Pain in prayer!  God bless.


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Pain Remedies in the Past......

If we compare today's modern medicine techniques- all the advances made in fighting Cancer-to the pre WWII era of medicine, without question the results are stunning!  I have known several women who got the terrible news of Cancer-facing the battle with Faith, Strength, Great Doctors and Prayers thrown into the mix-these women are still alive, enjoying life to its fullest and praising God for their new lease on life!

I have some memories of medical treatment during the mid 1950's (yes I am not a Spring Chicken anymore) and many came to mind-but I decided to share One that is engrained in my Memory:

The Day My Brother was Bit by a Rattlesnake----
Let me see-I have two brothers, one is three years older than me and we walked each day about a half mile from our home to the road where we waited for the Big Yellow School Bus to pick us up.  Each day was an adventure as we walked home-this brother always ran ahead, looking for bugs, animals-(we lived on a large ranch and the area was rough to say the least.)  

While walking home one day, suddenly my brother let out a Scream  I shall never forget "Oh my God, A Rattlesnake just bit me-I am gonna die!" This was our worst nightmare-Daddy always cautioned us on looking down while walking- Rattlesnakes could be anywhere and we were also taught how to use the Life Saving Snake Bite Kit-just in case we were by ourselves and this happened. The Kit consisted of a Sharp Razor Blade, a band to tie just above the bite area so blood flow could be restricted (helped to keep the flow of Venom down) and a Rubber Suction Device to pull Venom out.

My oldest brother ran toward the disaster, dragging me along with him, my little feet barely touching the ground as we reached my wounded brother,who lay in the grass, screaming and moaning!  It was an awful thing to see-I looked at his jeans-which were a Tan color and I saw a sick-green color spreading-and I cried, just knowing the end was near for my brother.  Suddenly my Oldest brother takes charge, telling me to "Run like the Dickens to the house and bring that Snake Bite Kit with you!"  God must have helped me move my young body that day because I was back with the Life Saving Kit in a flash!

 As I reflect back, my oldest brother should have chosen the Medical Profession for his career because he moved as if we were in the biggest Emergency Room, barking orders to my brother "Get Still, and hang on, cause Brother-I am Gonna Save your Life!"  His next move was with the Sharp Razor Blade--

I saw my bitten brother glance at the Blade with fear, but figured it had to be this way.  Suddenly the Oldest Brother takes that Blade and makes the Biggest X Mark I have ever seen in my life!  Blood was flowing so fast-and now the Victim Brother was truly screaming in agony-feeling his Leg was being cut off!

The Suction Device was quickly used as I thought  (Wow, he really did listen to the Lesson on how to handle a Snake Bite)- the Band was pulled so tight-only causing the X wound area to spurt More blood out!  It was one brother screaming "I am Dying" and the other raging "Not on my Watch-no Sir, not today!"  

My Parents had shown up and I can only imagine how the Trauma Scene looked-Daddy runs to see what is wrong, we are shouting "He is Dying, A Snake Bit him"-Doctor/Brother is screaming "Daddy-look what I did-I saved his life!" Again my Dad stepped up the plate, taking everything into full view, looks at the pants leg of my Brother's jeans, sits on the ground and yells over the screams of three scared kids-
"Boy, you aren't Snake Bit- you jumped so dang High, well you jerked the Fangs right out of the mouth of that old Rattlesnake!"

Now there was the immediate issue of getting my brother to a hospital so his leg could be properly sewn up from the massive X made by Doctor/Brother!  Mom told us the Emergency Room Doctor kept asking "Why in the Heck did your Son make Such a Large X?"  I doubt he ever got a proper answer to his question-but we knew our brother was going to live!

I have a feeling that long ago Snake Bite Kit is long gone, but my brother can probably still see the X!!

God bless.  Martha

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Its Okay if something can't be Fixed.......

Wait a minute-did I just say its Okay if Something can't be Fixed?  Oh my gosh, even Typing these words suddenly produce a Bad Taste in my Mouth- I recall being  young- my Mom giving each of us a Spring Tonic (the only Spring thing about it was our fast run to the bathroom) but we leaned our heads back, held our nose and took it!   To this day, I can still recall the Bad Taste- but we learned there was No getting away from Mom's Annual Dosing-and we lined up like good little kids, and Accepted what was coming our way! (I forgot to mention, the Bathroom was Outside.)

Its the same process with my Chronic Pain-it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to understand my Injury- there will be Considerable Damage done to your Buttocks from being 12 feet up in a tree, then Crash to the ground! I can't  run from this Pain-heck it waits patiently for me, picking and choosing its time of Attack.
Something urged me to "Surf the Web" as I stumbled on a Site that felt as if my Name was on it!  It gave a thorough explanation of my Pain problem (I knew most of this, but it needed to be reinforced for me)

American Chronic Pain Association-   

Neuropathic Pain:
otherwise known as Nerve Pain-is a type of Chronic Pain that occurs when Nerves in the Central Nervous System become Injured or Damaged.  It is usually accompanied by Tissue Injury.

I turned the pages, already knowing the answer but something pushed me to look further:

Can Nerve Pain be Cured?
There is No Cure for the Damaged Nerves that cause Nerve Pain. By getting actively involved, you can reduce your sense of suffering and improve the Quality of your life. Another area stated: There are no Medicines you can get without a Prescription that will be strong enough to effectively manage your Pain! 

This one hit home-people are telling me "Just take some Advil-that will do the trick!" Maybe this is why my eyes feel like rolling back in my head and I want to say "Seriously, Seriously-are you Kidding me?"
But I stay silent as it hits me, not everybody is going to understand Chronic Pain and they probably don't want to Hear me talking about it that much.  I would love to tell them "My Doctor has been Up Close with me, letting me know Why she will Not increase My Pain Medicine-its not a fun conversation, but I hear each word and I am blessed she cares enough to Get My Attention!"

Finding this Web Page helped in many ways-it gave me a chance to see "Positive Moves" I have made- becoming a Active Patient with my Doctor as we work together with my Pain issues.  The Pride I feel by finding courage to step out of my "Comfort Zone" sharing my journey with Pain, putting it on the Web for others to read- being deeply humbled by stories of others-also living with Chronic Pain, and hearing about their ability to reach beyond the Pain and find Joy. They are my Inspiration and I am in awe of such tremendous endurance, courage and FAITH.

As I admit- its Okay if Something Can't be Fixed- a deeper understanding fills my heart with the most important Life Lesson- I am Not Alone in this Journey-God is right beside me each day.   

This is why I pray for all those who suffer, and yes, I do pray for Me too!  

God be with you.  Thanks for always listening and caring.  Martha

Friday, July 6, 2012

Does Pain take our Voice Away?

Chronic Pain is a Thief!  It does not come quietly in the night-sneaking around as it waits to strike-but instead hits me with no warning, pouring waves of Pain upon Pain as my already exhausted body struggles to find one simple moment of Peace. I have lived with Pain for over sixteen years-having many low days of wanting to be left alone-just Me and Pain. This was an early start of my Voice growing quiet as the Pain took over-but deep inside- I still had Hope! 

Its tough to admit-I played a huge role in silencing my own Voice, as I worked so hard to keep the Tree Fall a Secret, as the Pain grew-I suffered in silence.  I was afraid to voice opinions to doctors who had every possible diagnosis-except the Correct One!  My Pain was too much of a mess for them to dive in and help me untangle the growing bands of Pain .  Each time I left their office-another piece of Me was sliding away, but God knew me better-as I found my way to Prayer, courage rose in me to find my Voice-and I started speaking up, Loud and Clear!  The first Ray of Hope was finding my Pain Management Doctor, who was more than willing to work with me, so we could find the source of my Pain.

Today I found my Voice feeling Silenced again-another round of Insurance Confusion hit-I felt like a child  who learned tough lessons of Being Seen but not Heard!  How could I explain-"Look, I am physically worn out from injections to silence the Butt Burning- my Emotions are low as I face Cold Truth-Pain is never going away-so I could use a break today-if you don't mind!" 

God held me today- tears flowed as I poured my heart out to a caring woman who works as an Advocate for both active and retired Police Officers-she was my Angel today, who listened with love-not judging me
as I shared how hard it is to walk the road of Chronic Pain.  She was my Voice today-helping with all the
 Insurance issues, knowing I did Not Have the Fight in me today.  I thank God for her. 

Yes-Pain can take our Voice Away-but with Faith-we will Speak up Again.  Nothing about Chronic Pain is easy-Nothing!  All I can offer for each person living with Pain  is my own story-hoping to have the courage to share my daily Struggles with you.  I keep each of you in my Prayers-if you have a chance, please
say just One Short Prayer for me.

God bless you.


Thursday, July 5, 2012

Learning about Pain from a Whale!

How in the world could anybody learn about Pain from a giant Whale that blew up in the middle of a busy street overseas?  Yet its true- I happened upon a tv show last night that concentrated as to "why" a huge Sperm Whale suddenly blew apart as it was being taken to a clinic for research to learn why it died.

 I saw the horrible Mess covering the streets when the body opened up, feeling sorry for the Clean-up Crew!  But something kept my attention focused and before I knew it-my lesson was unfolding-teaching me about the early beginnings of my own Chronic Pain.

Dear HH was watching as they showed the process of moving this huge whale from the beach, loading it onto a  truck-seeing cranes bent over, then watching the truck being crushed from the weight, and word sent for a larger truck to safely carry the dead whale.

I recall dear husband saying he thought the whale might have been struck by a large boat, but no real area of injury could be seen.  Suddenly I began hearing the narrator speak about how blood pools under the skin when there is a hard injury- (falling out of a tree and landing on my butt would be a hard injury)  then hearing words like nerve damage, scar tissue and on it went.

For a short moment, I felt like the Whale-having kept my injury silent- the beginning of many mistakes made by me as I chose to ignore that day.  I glanced toward my husband- his eyes were focused on the screen, perhaps this was his moment of gaining a real understanding of my Chronic Pain beginnings-no injuries were seen from the surface, but so much was going on under the skin, with my life changing by the seconds as I ignored daily Pain Signals.

The conclusions for the Whale blowing up was a combination of an old injury to the dorsal fin, ropes attached to this already weakened area, gas filling the body cavity and finally, things had to blow!

Thank God I am still here! Yet my decision making at the time of the fall from that tree will be with me always.  I see my Pain doctor for injections to ease this wicked burn in my butt that runs down my leg and stays firmly planted in my foot-and there is relief from this Pain.  But its not a permanent relief, as she says "Martha, the Burn is never going away. We will do everything possible but you know the answer."

I felt like my sweet Daddy was standing beside her, shaking his head in silent agreement with her, then looking my way, helping me to recall his own words spoken to me on April 21, 2003-"Remember Sister, I told you about that old Leg Pain staying with you for the rest of your life!  Now you be Strong, and ask the good Lord to help you each day.."

Yes-I am left with this burning Pain-but also blessed in ways I never dreamed possible.  My husband stands with me as I walk this Path-falling from the strain of it, allowing my body time to rest from it and then picking myself up again-always asking God for His Help.

God be with all who must suffer with Pain-please keep looking up toward Him, and know I pray for you.


Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Where is that Music Coming From?

This has been a quiet day for us-all I can do is go from chair to the bed and back to the chair again. " HH" got outside and over-did himself in the heat-finding out fast, "Thank God for A/C" as he plopped on the sofa.

We started "surfing" tv channels for something to watch- finding  a movie we enjoy, meaning we have seen it too many times-but what the heck-its just too hot to do anything else.

"HH" is still in the Learning Curve of our New television-and forgets all the extra "bling" that goes with it.  He feels lucky just to turn it on and find a news channel.  Now we have Five remotes to work with-and it does get confusing.  We have DISH service and they have received numerous Midnight calls as we are asking "Okay, now Which button do I push to turn this thing on again?" 

Thank goodness they are helpful and we are learning which buttons to stay away from.  But today, one of the Best TV moments arrived-"HH" is resting on the sofa, watching the movie, and "thinks" there is music coming from somewhere, so he jumps up to make sure there isn't a strange car outside, comes back in, sits down-only to say "Heh, there is that music again, tell me you hear it Too!"

I had to agree with dear Husband- Music was coming from some unknown place but we had no clue where the source might be.  I got up, hobbled slowly outside, hoping to find the music Culprit-but no luck. Finally we decided "The Music is coming from that Bar near the Park-they always have a Loud Band playing on a holiday like this one!"  Suddenly the music shut off-We had solved the mystery together!  Great minds
do work together-sometimes.

Just as fast, here came the Music Again, and my husband stormed outside one more time-hoping to hear Music blasting away- thats when it dawned on me as to the source of Unknown Music sounds.  Lets see-I think it was Number Four Remote that operates the  Sound System and there it was-"the low sound of music being played as the Movie was going!"

We had convinced ourselves it was Time for another hearing test-as dear husband came in, smiled with delight to see the Music was Gone!  He looked at me, asking "What do you think happened? The Sound is gone!"  I paused-realizing it was a  Martha Moment as I slowly lifted the Remote, Clicking it On-Music played,  Clicking it Off-Music Gone!  He gave me one of those Looks and said;

"So are you messing with my Hearing now?" I took a long breath and finally admitted "Those Remotes
can be really tricky at times, don't you think!"

I can't describe the Look given to me by dear husband!  Something tells me he will have labels on all Remotes before this night ends.  Oh Well, We did find out Where the Music was coming From!

On this day-I do believe we had some Heavenly intervention to help us find the Music!

God bless you all.   Martha