Monday, April 22, 2013

Facing Pain-one wicked moment at a time~~~

Photo from Internet 

Do you ever have one of those weeks where it seems Pain has taken over and all you can do is crawl up into a tight ball-pleading for the throbbing to  stop?   This past week was my turn--it was an effort to even pull myself  out of bed,  rushing to turn heating pads on HIGH and waiting, hoping, praying for the Pain to slow down.  Nothing was working-I had told my husband" Well we either go see my Pain Doctor or just go ahead and take me to the hospital!"

I stumbled across this particular photo one night while surfing the Web and it grabbed  my attention~~ as I thought of breaking the word down-one letter at a time and wrapping it around the
Physical Pain I go through constantly.  It didn't take long for thoughts  to fly  and emotions released

P--pain, problem, pathetic, personal, pleading,prayer~~~My Pain is very Personal to me  as it  has  caused so many problems to come my way, leaving me to  Feel very Pathetic at times, and taking me to my Knees in Prayer----as I am Pleading for courage to keep fighting back and pushing myself to find simple moments of Joy.

A--anger, anguish, awful, acceptance~~~ I lost count over the years as  to the number of  times Anger rises in me because of the Pain I live with each day--moments of deep anguish and sorrow have followed me as I spent too many years blaming myself for climbing a tree and falling.  It took years for me to finally admit "Time for Acceptance  of the Pain--I  had a bad accident, wish I had never fallen---but I am still here,  and I give Thanks to God for that amazing fact.

I~inside, insist, interesting, I/me~~~people think all "looks" good with me-but if they could  take a glimpse Inside my body, they would see the Sciatic Nerve  choked tight with Scar Tissue- as I insist the Furious Burning flowing up and down my leg to Stop.  I find my Pain textbook 
waiting for me at the Pain Doctor's  Office--so many faces, young and old-all with Pain issues that one does not see~~~my Lesson comes when I push Me aside and LISTEN to others--their stories are
filled with interesting pieces  of life~~and when they ask me "What  happened to you-why are you  hurting so bad?"   The look on their face tells me so much when I answer "Well I fell out of a tree!"

N~~~never, no, nothing, nonsense~~~how I wish this had never happened to me, but you can't spend your life looking back-instead I choose to say a firm No to those moments of giving up.  Instead I push forward~~there are so many days when it feels like I have Nothing left to push the Pain back~~~and it hits me "Nonsense Martha-you have all the tools needed to keep the battle going and in the midst of dark times, you have FAITH and HOPE.  

Pain is a wicked word~~~but I choose to keep facing it, learning so much as I see others suffering  and living in spite of terrible Pain.  It really comes down to this~~~ PAIN WON'T BEAT ME...  It will shake me up, knock me down, toss me around, bring me to the ground, but with the grace of God, I will keep facing Pain, one wicked day at a time, and smile with delight as I catch a moment of Joy.

God be with all who are suffering~~~I pray your days get better.


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Do I have any of Her Courage?

My Great Grandparents & Grandfather:
King & Martha Heffington, 
their Sons, Wiley (my Grandfather) and Royce (baby)

Shortly after this photo was taken, Martha and little Royce passed away-within days of each other. I have a small bit of history but knew she had a difficult time bringing Royce into the world and medical help was probably not easy to get, and they were living in Indian Territory in Oklahoma.

My Grandfather made sure I knew the woman in this photo~~I was named after her,  perhaps by accident because my Mother knew very little about her, but when the time came to name me, she told
me how the name "Martha" suddenly hit her and as they say, 'the rest is history."

The look on her face is tight~~~~Pain was probably taking over, but she pushed ahead for this photo
to be taken-making sure her children never forgot what she looked like and hoping they would always know how much she loved  them. 

Pain is hard to live with~~these words don't begin to fully explain all the aspects of Chronic Pain-people want to hear "I am feeling so much better" and there is improvement-no mistaking that glorious fact!  I don't talk much about the non-stop Fire attached full-time to my Butt, leg, and now both Feet!

Do I have any of Great-Grandma Martha's Courage?   I hope so..............

God bless all who have suffered with Pain---help them to reach deep for Courage and Faith.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

What would the Children Say?

I am writing about a different Pain~there are no visible wounds to be seen, but a Pain fills  "Eleven Faces" along with others who are facing the worst nightmare of their lives-the horrendous Pain of losing their treasured family members in a moment of terrible violence, as  One tormented with mental Pain opened the doors of a school, and took away Twenty innocent children, and Six Adults who paid the Ultimate Price as they tried to protect the children.

These "Eleven Faces"-who have faced the terrible loss of knowing their precious loved ones are never coming home again~~~could easily stay behind closed doors and grieve-facing agony that goes
on, a nightmare that has no end--but they push past the Pain--as one aching question is heard in their hearts~~~"What would the Children Say?"

I watched the News, seeing "Eleven Faces" walking the  hallways of Congress~~slowly looking for names of Congressmen & Women-they knew a heavy task lay before them~~it was time to carry their Grief with them and face all who would listen.

A moment of Painful reality hit as one Congressman met the grief-filled parents who sat across from him,  a sudden image of  his own children passed before him~~knowing he never wanted to be in the
nightmare these people face day and night.   This  meeting was special~~~because words of Gun Control, Right to Bear Arms, NRA--had to wait as Grief filled  the room~~the time had come for all To Hear the Voices of all who were taken too soon from their  families.

I know what its like to lose a loved one to violence--my wonderful Mom-in-Law was murdered on July 04th, 1990 by an intruder who broke into her home, stabbed and beat her. He was apprehended and is in Prison for the  rest of  his  life--but we will never  forget her voice.

At that split second when these precious children and adults were murdered~~an act of Violence took their voices away. Now as the political battle rages, a question is pulling my  heart  apart as I think "What would the Children Say?"

I pray with all my heart that people across this world will  Listen to the Lost Ones--we must be
strong in our convictions and unite together.  God be with all  who have suffered the loss of a loved one to Violence.


Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Pieces of Nerve Damage you don't See~~~~~~

Chronic Pain has No problem in picking parts of  the Body to settle in-you don't  get  to choose~~one day you get up-and Pain begins.  If you have the mis-fortune of a Nerve being injured somewhere in your body~~~the journey starts, with the Injury sometimes out of view-the only noticeable change begins with people asking "Is Everything Okay?"  If only we could fully explain the problem..

 When asked about the Pain I live with each day, my answer comes fast~~"Well,my  butt, leg, and foot feel  like its All on Fire--because I fell out of a tree, landed Hard on my Bottom, which really messed the Sciatic Nerve up!"  Some will ask me to Show them where it hurts~~all I can think is "Are you Serious?"  I mumble something about "Nerve Damage you can't see" and move on.

I have met people who were injured severely and are paralyzed from the waist down-yet they feel the exact same Burning Pain I do~~its called "Phantom Nerve Pain" as the Brain is  still thinking "wait a minute--where did everything go!"  

Try to comprehend  what our young Military people go through-injured in ways they never dreamed of and facing lengthy recovery time~~many are missing Legs, Arms, and so much more we do not see.  We thank them for their Service~~~but when we see a Missing Limb or one too young who lives in a wheelchair, the question "Is Everything Okay" stays silent-the answer is right in front of us.

Nerve Damage/Chronic Pain can last a lifetime for so many~~~please offer a Prayer up-asking God to Comfort all who face this battle each day.  One simple Prayer helps~~~trust me, I know Prayers help.

Thank you God for every word of Prayer spoken.


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Can you feel the Love?

courtesy of: Veronica Anderson, the

You never know when a special Loving gesture will come your way~~~but it happened to me on a day where I needed it--I had been up all night with my Neck and Leg Pain chewing at me, leaving me feeling helpless and worn down.  The Neck Pain has sadly become a "mirror image" of my Leg Pain and its not easy to keep up with any of it.

I am learning how to take photos with my IPad  and decided to give the "self-photo" a whirl~~this was the result and when I saw this picture (before SHTICK love) it took my breath away for a few seconds!  All I could think was "My God-Pain has been very Busy with me" and it hurt-worse than I can give adequate words to.    

Everyone likes to look nice-woman or man and without question this photo did Not make me look nice~~~I saw a woman who has aged too quickly-pounding Pain that Never goes away has left its mark on me and I do not like it!   Before I allowed myself time to think about my New Look-I quickly emailed it to some of my dearest friends~~knowing they would be kind and not toss back words that would sting forever "What the heck happened to you, have you run out of Makeup, where did Martha Go?"

God truly works in amazing ways--one friend commented about my eyes and smile~~letting me know she still saw the real "Me" and that was all she needed.  Another mentioned my new "Short Hair cut" telling me how nice it looked (can't blow- dry my hair, arms ache from the Neck Pain) and my heart began to smile as I knew looks are on the outside~~~the real person is our inner heart and  that piece of me is never going away.

One more email popped back and there she was~~~ Veronica Anderson- the woman behind Shtick Creations--love for others flows from her hands as these amazing images come to life.  Her words flowed with Love as she told me how she saw a woman lifting her cheek up, hoping for a gentle Kiss to help ease the long hours of Pain.  Thats when Veronica/Shtick showed up and gently left a Shtick Kiss!

Yes, Pain is Roughing me Up Lately~~but I can feel the Love surrounding me and it helps as I keep taking one step at a time~~~with HIS Grace holding me up.

God please be with all  who are suffering......