It's been a while since I have felt like blogging. That's because PAIN seems to have taken over lately and driven me to concentrate HARD on the battle. It's one thing to deal daily with Chronic Pain...you do learn the system and follow the RULES that PAIN has. Coping with Pain is a 24-hours-a-day job, and it seems you never get a break of any sort. Instead, you must make your OWN ways of being able to still enjoy doing even the most simple things.
As the years have gone by in my journey of fighting this Pain, so many things that I once really enjoyed doing have demanded that I give them up so that my Pain is not increased due to me mowing the yard, working hard outside on flower beds, or climbing a ladder and painting. Yes, as I even typed the word LADDER, my own sense of reasoning can NOW stop and think, "Now what the heck am I doing climbing up a ladder after having already fallen out of a tree?" Stupid on my part but ladders and painting were things I enjoyed doing, too. So I gave the ladder up but still had this silly idea that standing in a chair would do no harm. At least I could still do some version of painting but stay away from pesky ladders. My dear husband finally brought the CHAIR issue to light and challenged my reasoning process as to how I could validate my ability to STAND in a chair and NOT think there would be any chance at all of taking a fall. He further reminded me that IF I were to fall from a CHAIR, and God forbid, break a HIP, my only NEW chair would be a wheelchair because my body will not allow for a hip replacement and would reject the implant with me very possibly becoming seriously ill if this were to ever happen.
I got MAD at him, the damn chair, the TREE, ME for climbing the tree–and most of all–I got MAD at the PAIN. This Pain that seems to have robbed me of so MANY things I enjoyed doing. Now here I faced the honest HARD truth of having to either be brutally honest with myself and let the chair go to or simply keep playing a Cat and Mouse game or sorts, just hoping I would BEAT the odds and never fall out of a chair.
As my loving husband stood there and faced me with this hard truth, beyond his frustration I saw this amazing DEEP LOVE for me and his FEARS of what might happen if I did not give up standing in a chair. Sometimes we MUST really challenge the ones we love the MOST with the sobering reality of life as it REALLY is now. For me, that means the CHAIR now had to be added as a MUST NOT DO ITEM for Martha!
Yes, I pouted for a while, and yet while being angry, started to COUNT my blessings instead of sitting here and only looking at the NEGATIVES. It did not take me long to realize how silly I was being about items or things that I once considered so important in my life. God has blessed me with the BEST gift of all: my dear husband who had the fortitude to finally take the bull by the horns, as they say, and put the issue squarely in my line of view. He did NOT make the decision for me, but instead I acted like the adult and made it for MYSELF. So although the past couple of weeks have been pretty rough emotionally, there is truly a joyful light at the end of the tunnel. I can still walk, and yes, I can STILL battle against the Chronic Pain that will always be a challenge in my daily life. My joy moment came after having stood by my husband as we painted on a wall of our house together and to turn toward each other and say almost in unison,"I really don't LIKE to do this anymore!"
Please keep me in your prayers because I am preparing to face some TOUGH dental work that is NOT going to be easy. I thank you for the prayers and know you are ALL in my daily prayers, too.
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