How to move past hating Chronic Pain

Cold, hard, plain and to the point. Yes, I hate Pain having this big a piece of my life, watching daily as more of the "real me" seems to have just gotten pushed aside so Pain could have the most room possible to do its damage to my body. I look at my face and think What the heck is happening to me?

I have always thought of myself as a fighter, meaning I refuse to give up when times are tough. I never want to admit defeat. Instead, I want to find every possible way to battle back against the toughest of foes. At times, I find myself thinking "Did you really think that falling out of a tree would just be a simple hurdle to recover from?" Then another cold slap in the face comes as I realize that there was no thought process inside me when I climbed the tree. I thought of myself as being simply too strong for anything bad to really happen!

But something bad did happen, and I have been dealing with the aftermath of my poor decision for so many years now. Without question, I am worn down from this horrendous battle of hurting all day long, never being able to really feel a moment of true complete freedom from the Pain. As one year after the other goes by, it can get real easy to start hating the Pain. After all, we are each human. We have our failings and weakness inside us, and daily Chronic Pain can cause each of us to have thoughts and feelings we would prefer not to have. So how to keep looking, hoping, dreaming for a better day, not allowing ourselves to fall so deep into the valley of Pain that it feels as if there is no way out?

Big question to ask and the answers do not come easy. I must personally work each day to not give Pain a single moment more than it already takes from me. For many years I hibernated inside my home, wrapped up with the Pain, being alone as my husband went off to work each day and then trying to attempt another form of work, something to prove I was still here. I finally decided one day that it was time to get out of the house, no matter how badly every bone in my body ached and just PUSH myself to get back into the world.

None of this was easy, and I had so many setbacks. Some of them were so huge that I wondered if I would ever find that inner strength to try again-reaching beyond the Pain.  Most of my victories are pretty small, but as the Pain rages on, it has become so clear to me-how important it is to Not give up.  A victory for me can be as simple as making a call to a friend, writing one email, seeing a stranger who is in obvious Pain and taking the time to say Hello and offering a word of encouragement to them.  Its simply a way of stepping past the Pain, and looking to see what lies on the other side of it.

I manage this only by the grace of God because I pray for His support each day. We must each learn our own coping techniques and deal with setbacks, but keep pushing just a bit more each day. Keep looking for a simple second of Joy because it can carry you through the darkest of days. Every person fighting this battle of Chronic Pain has deep inner courage so give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it. God bless.