How do you blog when rage is waiting to be released from within and directed toward the almighty Insurance Company that seems to take a prominent role in your journey with Chronic Pain?
Well, first thing I must do is STOP THINK and FEEL.
So I Stopped as memories hit me of seeing two people today, walking into a grocery store, going about their daily lives and me seeing those familiar Signs of Pain. One man had a distinctive limp, his walk slow and deliberate, and Pain was written all over his face. It made me Think: Does this man have any health insurance? All I could say was a silent prayer, Please, God, give that man some help. I looked away because this visual reminder seemed to ache deeper in my heart than usual. As I tried to shake the image from my mind, a vehicle pulled up in front of us, and I watched as an older woman got out, waited for her daughter to bring a walker to her side. Then she slowly started walking toward the store, shopping list in hand. Her daughter slowed to a gentle pace, giving her mom time to catch up. That's when my heart ached as I could FEEL the pain of this woman, and wondered Is her health insurance limited because of her age? Then I thought, Are you trying to show me something God?
I got home and found a letter from my health insurance company, telling me they will not pay for any further Pain treatments. Period. Oh, I did a ton of Feeling, and rage was rushing to the surface. It is mind-boggling as to how these insurance companies can sit behind a desk, read medical files about a person they do not know nor will ever see, and simply with the flip of a pen, turn a life upside down and not give it a second thought! My battle has been going on for quite a while now, and, sadly, I feared this was coming, all the while praying it would not happen.
My emotions were hitting me from all sides. I felt such guilt because of one stupid mistake on my part. Climbing a tree and falling out of it had changed my life so much and also deeply impacted my husband. I knew it was time to approach him for his view of this letter. God bless this amazing man! He looked at me and saw the grief and fear written all over me and said, "We will be okay, Martha! We will find a way, even if I had to go pick Coke cans up from the road side. I will not let you go without this needed treatment!"
My heart eased, and I knew he was right. God placed him in my life more than 36 years ago, and he has been with me on this journey with Chronic Pain. Yes, I do have a righteous anger toward the insurance company. But the picture is much bigger because there are thousands of people out there suffering and having the same thing happen to them. Then there are those with NO insurance.
So tonight I offer up a prayer – God, please open the hearts of these insurance companies and help them SEE the human face behind the paperwork. Help them imagine walking in the shoes of a person who suffers with Chronic Pain for just ONE simple day!"
God bless all who suffer with Pain.
Oh, man...this is an emotional night. First I read Betty's blog, now yours. I can't stop the tears.
ReplyDeleteI stand in awe of your heart, Dear Martha, and how you don't let bitterness take control. You stay sweet-spirited. A very old Nazarene pastor once said to me, "Stay sweet. Drink Caanan juice". You must drink a lot of it!!! LOL. And you always pray for those around you. What a Heavenly reward you have coming!
I love you!
Well Diane-
DeleteIf you had seen my "face" as I read the letter, it was not filled with a sweet-spirit, but instead I was ready to whack the heck of these insurance people. I have been on an emotional roller-coaster and finally realized, "with the help of my dear husband" its not worth wasting of moment of life that God gives us to battle back against these people. The sadness of this is that people do not understand how life can change and they might find themselves injured and battling Pain. Until you walk those shoes, nobody can truly understand. Thank you for the uplifting words. All i can do is give this to the Lord. Love, martha
Martha, please read Pam's post on her blog today about praying for strangers: :http://wordglow.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteDiane-
DeleteI did read the post you shared with me and its beautiful. So inspiring and the message is without doubt-so clear, and easy to understand. Its true how people react when you say to them "i will say a prayer for you" because it touches the heart. Prayer is powerful- and although I can't quote the exact scripture "Pray without Ceasing" and this post truly touches every bit of those words.
Bless you for sharing this with me. Martha
Martha, thanks for reading my post about Gracia Burnham and our weekend with her.
ReplyDeleteI just had to comment on your posts about chronic pain as I have lived with fibermyagia for maybe about 20 years...usually my pain level is about a 4 with bouts of 10's. I do not know a day without my friend, pain. Realizing I had to choose to make it my friend or my enemy...I chose friend. I even changed the name of my friend from "pain" to "limitations". The encouragement that comes from renaming my friend is the other friends I meet along the way...a new one today...Martha Herden. Through the Word I have met those who suffered chronic pain... the apostle Paul comes to mind, his thorn in the flesh.
Deep tissue massage brings my pain from a 10 to a 4 but our insurance does not pay for it...so I must trust the Lord for the funds for a massage. It is odd to me my insurance will pay for even some hard drugs for my pain but not a massage which is so much cheaper. After reading your post about losing your insurance I am convicted about my whining about them not paying for a massage instead of being thankful I have insurance. I know God will remind me during my own pain of others like you who battle their limitations in a different and deeper way. God bless you my wise hearted sister. Betty Draper
Betty-
DeleteI am amazed at how the Lord "works" and uses others to help at a time when its really needed. This latest news from my insurance company hit hard and I got very angry because it seemed like just one more "thing" being taken from me. But my husband helped to open my mind as he encouraged me to "count the blessings I do have" and let go of counting all that Pain has taken from me! You touched something deep in me by your chose of not letting Pain be the enemy! I am trying to work on that and its one of the reasons I chose my blog motto-"Pain Won't Beat Me" although it certainly has taken me for one heck of a ride!
Its a daily struggle as you well know and I too have learned about massage and how it can help ease Pain so much. Somehow I think all who suffer begin to have their personal "Coping Bag for Pain" meaning-heating pad, massage, PRAYER, medication, stretching, PRAYER. Its the way we get through each day. I pray you can find a fantastic massage therapist in your area and perhaps share what you are going through and see if she would work with you on payments. I will pray for the Lord to bring this your way.
Your wise heart amazes me and your spirit is limitless!!!
I will say a prayer each day for you, and if you don't mind, please say one for me! Love, Martha
Martha...I had to laugh to myself when I realized I replied to your previous post but really did forget that I did...sorry for repeating my self...
ReplyDeleteBetty-
DeleteThis was a good chuckle for me too. Sometimes I wonder, "now what did i just type and Who did i send it to??" Blessings, Martha
You are so right for I have met so many who struggle daily with some kind of chronic pain. All have deveopled their own "Coping Bag For Pain..Just reading others blog like yours is in bag. Thanks for sharing with honesty.
ReplyDeleteGlad I gave you a chuckle...laughter is a great thing to put in our bag...when all else fails find some humor in the situation. Blessing to you my sister. Betty
Betty-
DeleteI wrote another blog and talked about YOU!!! Amazing, just through this wonderful Internet Communication-we meet people who are strong and open enough to share their own personal story and You have touched me deeply with yours! Its made an impact on me that will stay with me forever.
The "Coping Bag" has really stayed on my mind and since I love to sew, an idea has hit me about making a "Coping Bag" because I could just see me walking through a store, carrying this BIG Bag and having a person ask me "what is that Big Bag for?" Here would be my chance to Share about our "Coping Bag" and I would be explaining "Well here is Bengay-sure helps with the aches, Trusty Heating Pad, Soft Pillow-for sitting, Bible-for HELP, Medication-as needed" and as I would pull each item out, "numerous pieces of paper" would fall to the floor. As I would bend to gather them up, of course the person might ask "and those papers-how do they help the Pain?"
That answer would be the easiest-"well each piece of paper has a prayer written on it-sometimes the Prayer is long, others just say GOD HELP ME, many are Prayer requests for Others who suffer-and these papers, they are the Most Important Thing in My Pain Coping Bag!"
Just an idea I had. Lets see where I go with it! Love and Blessings for you Betty. Martha