After living with daily Chronic Pain for the past 16 years, I have not allowed myself to take stock of what I have given up and lost due to PAIN. All of the outside work I love to do is gone. Any type of physical labor other than sweeping the floor or doing the dishes, GONE. Being able to jump in the car with my husband and take a simple drive, well, it's not gone, but PAIN has also joins us for each ride we take and dictates how far we can go. It demands numerous stops to get out, stretch, try to SHAKE the numbness in my legs away, and simply IGNORE the wicked burning sensation in my feet that WILL not leave.
So it's fair to say PAIN has posed a wicked challenge to me. I can let it keep robbing me of joyous activities or I can find NEW things to do and just keep moving along. It's NOT easy. Actually, it is so very HARD, but I know my Pain battle is not something I can just ignore. As Scarlett in Gone with the Wind said, "I'll just think about that tommorrow!" Pain is not a movie. It's very alive and real, and can bring you to your knees in despair from the constant throbbing and hurting. I have my moments of sorrow and allow myself to grieve for all my struggles and losses. But then I know to pull myself out of my chair and FIGHT back at Pain with everything I have within me.
Recently, I saw a photo taken of me by a friend, and it was HARD to view because the battle with PAIN was clear on my face. All I could see was a worn and tired looking woman. But as I continued to mentally take the photo apart, I could still see myself and knew I was worth the fight against this wicked Pain.
For all of you who suffer with Chronic Pain, please keep moving and taking the fight against Pain on. Your battle does not have to be huge, but keep trying because a single moment of real JOY is worth waging the fight. I will always pray for those silent faces suffering with Chronic Pain and hope you will say a prayer for me.
Hi Martha: I found my way here through Sheryl Smith-Rodgers site on Guideposts (her blog about alienation from your child). Although I read her site due to an alienation going on with my 40 year old daughter at this time, I was directed to you. God DOES work in mysterious ways, indeed.
ReplyDeleteYour reason for chronic pain (what an awful thing to have happen to you!) and mine differ. Mine was finally diagnosed as Fibromyalgia (what I USED to call Whiney Woman Disease, ha!) that came on the heels (although several years apart) of lupus that has wreaked havoc in my life, although when it went into remission is when the fibro showed up. The lupus was diagnosed (finally) just a year before I was diagnosed with metastatic malignant melanoma. The melanoma has never caused any real problem once the cancer was taken out and all of the lymph nodes (5 with melanoma from a mole on my back that had melanoma and that spread to them) removed from under my left axilla. But the treatment with Inteferon began a process with the lupus that wreaked havoc on my body, leaving me with swollen limbs, aching joints, unable to walk for a while. When that all abated finally, the fibro stuck it's nasty head up and said, "Oh...she no longer hurts, so let's give her some MORE pain now!" and it had not gone away.
Phew...long story and it's very early in the morning (4:10 to be exact) and I woke up with...you guessed it..pain! Just thought I'd stick my head in and tell you that I think I do understand. And by the way, I have lived (until recently) in Wimberley for the past 10 years. I love most all of Texas but the Hill Country rocks!
Dear Anonymous- Your story humbles me beyond MERE words! What a FIGHTER you have been throughout all your health battles and I am honored you connected to my Blog. Your story shows just how determined PAIN has been to take you down, but in your own words "God does work in mysterious way" is my belief as to the tremendous courage HE has gifted you with. The "time" in which you logged your comment was so telling and helps me to know that I am not alone in this horrible battle with Chronic Pain. You see-I was "stupid" and climbed that tree, meaning I made a choice that brought life-changing consquences for me. Yours was NOT by choice-it just happened and I am so sorry for what you have been through. Yes-its clearly obvious to me "You DO Understand" the Chronic Pain walk and please know this- I will be saying a DAILY prayer for you, that HE will continue giving you that inner courage to take the FIGHT back against Pain. We share MORE than you realize-and my prayer for you WILL include your heartache to being alienated from your child.
ReplyDeleteWe who battle against the unseen foe, CHRONIC PAIN need all the prayers and help we can get. Hang in there-and keep looking for just a moment of simple JOY-it IS out there!