Yes-I have a vanity streak still left inside--but I know Pain has taken a huge toll on the "outside" and I do not like that fact-but this is Life! I look back in time--recalling moments when I would never leave the house without makeup on and my hair done, but years have passed and living with Chronic Pain takes those thoughts away--it just feels nice to get away from the house.
The Grocery Store seems to be one of my easy get aways-my husband sprints through the store, grabbing the bulk of our shopping list and I don't give any thought to "how'" I look~~~or worry who we might see. But everything changed in a Flash~~~~~
My cart was telling me "find my husband" as I rounded a corner and came to a swift halt--there stood a former police officer who had been in the academy with my husband and of course his sweet wife stood beside him. What happened next still upsets me~~I put my head down, trying to hide my face, my aged body, my Walking cane---I was trying to hide Me! Words were flying out, all jumbled as I said "oh no-I did Not want you to see me looking this old" I kept repeating these same words, over and over again! It was a awkward moment~~~nobody was talking until somewhere deep inside me, I reached for Martha~~~ finding my way back to reality as I explained
"This is how you look after Falling from a tree, Sixteen years of non-stop Pain and Nine Surgeries--but I am still here!"
I could "feel" my precious husband smiling~~~as we all started talking, laughing and going over long ago days of our husbands starting out as Police officers. They had a class of about thirty-five and we realized a sobering fact--almost all who had married did not make it. We were two of a handful whose marriages had stood the tremendous stress faced as we would see our husbands leaving for work and always fearing they might not come home.
It didn't matter how OLD I looked--God gave me the courage to step up to the plate, age and Pain joining me--and yet I can still feel the Joy of being here!
I am shouting and holding up your sign, get away devil, pain won't beat this woman of God. Woo Hoo........it's amazing when we just give into what life has given us how we can then sit back and enjoy the moments of in between what ever pain we are having. That was a
ReplyDeleteGod sent encounter my courageous wise hearted friend. You have encouraged my heart today.
Sweet Betty~~
DeleteAnother hand to hold up my sign--strength in numbers my friend---oh how you lift my heart on this day!! Yes, Pain will NOT beat Me--and I was stunned as to how this "special encounter" with old friends impacted me! Thank GOD I found the courage to look at them and say "Here I am--bumps, aches, wrinkles--but I am still Me" and it felt wonderful!!
I am humbled by your words--me touching somebody and giving encouragement by my words and actions~~~helps So much!!! Devil go Sit on a TACK!!! Thank you Betty--I am really being challenged with Pain and you have sent me LOVE!!! blessings and love back to you my wise hearted friend...martha