My dear friend who nudged me forward to start blogging about my Chronic Pain battle had us join her and her family to celebrate her birthday. All the talking, sharing, laughing–simply enjoying being together–was wonderful, even though my Pain was with me. Unknown to me, more Pain was getting ready to rear its ugly head. People who suffer daily with Chronic Pain will tell you they can predict the weather, a fact that "normal" people find hard to believe.
A dear older gentleman who's a retired Methodist minister joined us for the party. I have known that he, too, suffers from Chronic Pain. But to be honest, I did not allow myself to truly LOOK at his level of suffering. He is approaching his 90th birthday and has suffered since the early 1960s with Pain. It HURT to hear the number of years that he's battled against Pain. My short 14 years seemed like nothing compared to how long he has fought.
This was my first time to really speak directly with him about the PAIN battle we go through. As we shared, I began to see the real PAIN in his eyes, voice, body movement–everything. I hated PAIN at that moment because I saw the tremendous impact on his life. Yet there he sat, still determined not to let Pain keep him from having an evening out. He spoke about how people forget that his shoulder is the area of the Pain and greet him with a firm pat there. I could hear the anger in his voice when he spoke about how forgetful people are and his desire to occasionally swat their hand away!
As we sat and talked, the weather was changing, and my leg had not started its usual alert, meaning it starts to HURT and BURN in ways I just can't describe to people. But PAIN was going to have its VOICE. Just as my LEG started screaming, I saw the fingers curl under on the lame hand of this dear gentleman. We took a quick look at each other, then he asked, "You hurting, too?"
It was a moment I shall never forget because when you're living your own silent HELL with Chronic Pain, it's easy to forget about all the others out there, waging their own war with this evil thing called PAIN. I was forced to step away from my Pain last night and witness the real suffering of another person who battles a fierce war with Chronic Pain. He was in my thoughts all night, and I said an extra prayer for him, hoping his night was not going to be filled with the FIGHT.
Please know you are not alone in your battle, even though it does seem like it at times. All I can say is my prayers go out to everyone suffering with Chronic Pain, and I pray we each find a way to keep fighting back and looking for moments of JOY.
Yes, I do live with Chronic Pain, but it will not BEAT me. A simple statement but one that will always be HARD to accomplish but it IS worth the effort.
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