Monday, March 4, 2013

I don't have the answers~~~


I know why my Leg hurts-Tree fall, simple answer that I will never feel good about, but its past time to make peace with a moment in my life that I wish had never happened.  The stubborn woman who climbed that tree is the same woman who has coped with Chronic Pain for many, many years.  Yes I have been through all the days of feeling very sorry for myself-especially after too many surgeries, infections, and long recovery periods to begin feeling human again.

Suddenly I have found myself having to face two new versions of Pain-a bulging Disc in my Neck that can take me to Tears in a split second!  A piece of Disc pressing against Nerves in my lower back that hurt, but I  can manage the Pain .  Silly me--I learned a lesson today about this particular Pain while taking a brief walk outside with my husband~~back Pain hit and scared me due to its lightening fast speed and high level of Pain.  My legs were numb and something told me "get to the house Now!"  I think its one of the few times I have moved faster than my husband, and once inside-I crawled into bed, wrapped a heating pad around me and prayed for this Pain to ease.

My husband stayed with me~~I needed him beside me--as I struggled to "will" this awful Pain away from my body.  Gradually I could feel some relief and knew it was time to discuss what had happened~~the silence hung in the air and fear was in the mix, as I asked him "Well, what do you think about all this?"
He took a long time before answering me "Martha, this is serious and I am worried about you!"

 I took his words in, wanting to jump away from this moment,  but he had more to say "It took every bit of raw grit inside you to stay on your feet and make it to the house~~I have never seen you struggle like that!Strange--there was a day when words like "raw grit" would make me proud~~~ Severe Pain took that away today-leaving me with No Answers, as I pray God will help me get through this.

God be with all who suffer with Pain-help them in their moments of fear and doubt.

martha

6 comments:

  1. Oh my dear friend, your husband is right, sound serious. All I have to offer you is some serious prayer.

    Dear God, please help my friend with her pain. Please take it away. Please raise her up from her bed of pain to serve you another day. Amen

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  2. Oh Betty- my heart is lifted up with the promise of your prayers.... I know these prayers help me-if its so I can grab some extra sleep or to have blessed relief of the wicked Pain that hit yesterday---any prayer is welcomed by me and I know you are a Prayer Warrior!!

    I will admit--it felt wonderful when I slowly put my feet to the floor this morning and realized I could take one step at a time!! So far--today has been one of my better days in a long time,and I am thankful to the Lord for this.

    We see my doctor on March 11th---and will take it from there. Just know I treasure your love and prayers~~~I am looking at my prayer that is posted on the cover of my blog~~~"Be Gracious to me Lord,for I am in Distress..." HE is listening.

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  3. Martha, honey, I'm so sorry! I read this post twice, the first time trying to hurry to the end to get to the relief part and there was none! What a nightmare! I'm glad in the comments there was a good day for you! I'm praying, amazing girl you! I'm so sorry!

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    1. Sweet Veronica-
      Thank you for the words of love and the Prayers!! They are helping me as I battle my way through this wicked NEW Pain!! Matt took me to the grocery store today (he was not happy about it) but I needed to get out of the house..

      I managed~~~had to ask a young woman to grab a small container of milk, after trying to get it on my own and so it hits me--Nothing wrong with asking for help-Nothing!!

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  4. Oh, Martha...

    Words elude me. I've never known anyone like you. Crying out, I'm in distress, LORD, please HELP is a great prayer when words fail...so...

    I pray, Father, Martha is in great distress, be gracious to her, LORD, I pray. Help her endure. Help her, LORD! Please, just help her. In Jesus' Name, Amen!

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    1. Dear Diane~~
      What a glorious prayer you have spoken for me, and I am beyond GRATEFUL for your prayers and love. A church member who hadn't seen me for a while-caught up with me after church and asked 'What did you do now?"

      A silence hung in the air-I had no answers for her-so I asked her to PRAY for me and as I slowly walked away, a thought hit hard in my heart~~~the image of Jesus hanging on that Cross~~~suffering in agony~~and all for LOVE. Did somebody ask "What did you do?"

      Thank you Diane--for the love and prayers!! I am blessed and I know others are praying for me too!! I cling HARD to the Love you send my way, and I ask God to please help all who suffer in silence,perhaps have nobody to help them. Please God--please help us.

      Love & Blessings I send your way Diane..
      martha




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