Wednesday, November 7, 2012

When will I ever learn??

When a "rare day of feeling good" comes along~~its so easy for old forgotten feelings to return.  I look outside to see its a beautiful Fall day, and a sudden urge hits me~~"Get busy and do something!" I rush around, digging out sneakers hidden in the back of my closet, hunting for old work clothes I put away, planning to never use them again~~my mind was rushing-as little warning lights were going off, trying to get my attention and all I did was Push them away.  Same old Stubborn Martha-determined to conquer
a project-refusing to think about the aftermath.  Pain is sneaky-it just stepped silently to the side, patiently waiting for me to mess up by pushing my old body too hard and then Pain would come flying in as I paid the price!

I never got outside-because those old sneakers were well hidden and before I knew it, everything was being flung out of my closet~~here was my Big Project-time for a major cleaning.  My husband came walking by, stumbling over suitcases, boxes, clothes~~~he paused-not saying a word as he waited to see me turn around so he could have my full attention.  I must have looked like a wild woman~~hair in a mess, sweat pouring off me and still in my pajamas~~"So-guess you are going to do some work today on your closet, do you think its a good idea to push yourself like this?"  Part of me wanted to scream back at him "Well No, I am making the biggest mistake possible-but I still want to be normal"-instead of screaming, I just gave a quick nod of my head and he knew-time to move out of the way and see how this was going to end.

About two years ago I made a promise to God that I would never climb up on a ladder again or stand on a chair~~so I strained my body to reach up high to the top shelf, pulling heavy photo binders down~~never thinking about the weight or strain I was putting on my body.  Again that little message inside my head began to speak louder "Heh, you are getting ready to drop-so either leave the closet or finish up fast" so I made a mad rush to re-arrange things and finally the job I was so proud of was done.

Yet I dragged my body away and fell in my chair-nothing left of me and somehow knowing, Pain was starting its move toward me.  About two hours later, my shoulder began to throb as if I was having a heart attack!  I made a rapid move to the bed, asking my husband if we had any Baby Aspirin (just in case it really was a heart attack) and all I could do was pray, pray, pray.  I begged God to help me, make this brand new Pain go away~~my dear husband sat beside me-and finally asked "Well do you think this happened because of the work you did today?" 

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I knew-Old Martha had shown up and now I was paying a very heavy price for not respecting the physical limits my body has.  Its hard to let go of things we once enjoyed doing-
but if I don't learn after a big mistake like this~well I have only me to blame for the added suffering.  Today has been a tiny bit easier-I have protected my weary shoulder muscles and done nothing but sit and enjoy
the healing of a heating pad.

We are human-mistakes will be made~~I begged God to help me last night-the intense Pain scared me so much!  Perhaps I did learn from this episode of sliding back into old habits-I pray that I did!

God help us who suffer with Pain.  Be with us when we fall.

martha  

6 comments:

  1. And He is with us when we fall. Thank God for that. Thank God for His mercies that cover us in all our stubborn ways.

    I do hope you are feeling better tonight!

    Love to you, Diane

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    1. Thanks Diane--
      it feels like a elephant sat on my chest~~only thing that seems to ease it down is constant heating pad!!! guess I need a very long extension cord to let me move around!!!!

      I did feel like God was watching-waiting to see just how far I would go!

      silly me-tough lessons each time I do something like this.

      hugs & blessings to you and Joe. Martha

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  2. you are too funny...a long extension cord so you can move around....sound like you hubby need to tie you to a chair or bed with the heating pad around you to make you rest..hehe....

    I had to laugh a little because EVERTIME I get to feeling good I work in my flowers, pulling vines that are pulling down the wood fence that surrounds our little patio. And EVERYTIME I pay dearly for the action, my neck, shoulder, back and a few new places are extra sore for days. Oh I love to cleanout closets, any area that is filled with clutter...but...well...no but...I like you just want to do what is normal for a wife to do..........forgetting we have a new normal.

    Praying you recover quickly....sounds like you did not get to finish your task, but I bet your hubby did....at least the closet got squared away. I am singing this song in my hear..I'll get by in this world, with a little help from my friends....thank God for friends, hubbies and a weak thanks for the things I am learning in the new normal...

    Blessings my friend and by the way you are growing wiser, I read it every post.

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    1. Betty-
      You always put such Wisdom in for me to learn~~~ "Forgetting we have a New Normal" oh my gosh, that one kicks me in the gut~~because the Truth of it is so painful and makes me understand again-Why I am fighting back so hard against this Pain.

      I will tell my Dear Matt your suggestion of tying me to a chair. But I can see his head shaking~~ "Well Martha-I could do that but all I would see is this woman, dragging herself down our driveway with a CHAIR attached to her!"

      People would say- "Yep, there goes Martha AGAIN!"

      So I also am clinging to your words of me growing WISER~~~ me???

      Lord I hope so.

      All my love, martha

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  3. Oh Martha, I am laughing out loud at the thought of you tied to a chair dragging yourself down your drive way...still laughing....you are so funny. Thanks for the laugh.

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    1. Betty~~
      I swear people would see me and just figure, "Martha is at it again!"

      As I typed the words, I started laughing too--and my how good it felt to really LAUGH!

      Think I am learning the true value of humor going along with Pain, it helps to have a good chuckle!

      love, martha

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