Its been a long time since I have had any surgery done~~you do tend to forget all the apprehension, worry about complications, all these Fear have come rushing back and seem to grow stronger each day.
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I know my doctors and have complete confidence in them~~~they work like a well-oiled machine together and that puts me in the best hands possible. My faith tells me God is watching over me, HE will be in that operating room with all of us. This helps to calm my fears, and its vital I get this conquered before the Surgery~~its important to go into any surgery with your mind clear, no anger, no fears-just drawing on my inner strength as I put my body into the doctors trained hands.
Today has been rough~~we have a strong weather front coming in-bringing us much needed colder weather and thats good-but for anyone who suffers with Chronic Pain, the battle gets really hard as your pain level rises and keeps rising until the weather finally arrives and that lovely "pressure" eases down. Its also very different now as I experience "New Pain" that is now part of my life and with all this, Fear really has its way of sneaking in and growing!
As a couple, its one of the first times in our 37 years of marriage that we haven't talked an issue over and over until we know its settled~~~perhaps its because there is Fear in both of us and we don't want to worry each other. Tonight as we watched a movie-something hit me and I knew, it was time to discuss what is ahead of us~~my dear husband-no matter if he was watching the best show in the world, he puts everything on hold, turns the volume off and we begin talking, covering all the issues and assuring each other that all will be fine. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me~~Matt's love and calm assurance were simply waiting for me to grab hold of. This is what we do, we trust God and lean on our Love for each other.
As we finished talking, a long ago memory hit me~~My Dad was facing major surgery and we didn't know if he would make it through the operation. I chose to walk beside him as they rolled him toward the Surgery Room~~we stopped and both of us knew I had to back away and let God take over. Daddy looked at me and said "Well Sister, this is it. I probably won't see you again for a long time" fear had a grip on him~~but I knew how strong he was, I looked at him, and said "Daddy, I will see you in a few hours-everything is going to be fine, God is watching over you and I love you!" I will never forget the look on his face~~my words had given him a life-line and he grabbed hold of it. We hugged and as they rolled him through the doors, he lifted his aged hand and waved at me!
That memory helped me to understand my own fears that I now face~~~many people were praying for my Dad and he came through a lengthy operation in great shape. I have prayers of so many wonderful people who are lifting me up and asking God to be with me and help me through this. Fear eased and I feel much
better~~~as Matt said "Martha-this is something we can get through together!" That was all I needed to hear, and I know he will be doing a lot of praying!
Its okay to be afraid-but know there is a loving Hand just waiting for you to reach out to-God is always there for us.
God bless all who battle each day with Chronic Pain. I pray you find moments of relief and a bit of Joy.
martha
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