The room was darkened as she viewed the films, my husband sat in stone silence as I snapped to attention at the sound of those words~~I know my Doctor's voice and there was a cold reality to her words. She asked us both to look at the film as she showed the latest damage to "Inside Martha" and that word followed-the one I dreaded to hear~~~Surgery. So this was the reason for my bad leg going Numb, the added Pain I was feeling lately~~~at this moment I stopped being the Patient and leaned against my Doctor, letting Tears flow. I can't begin to imagine the emotions running through her~~~this was not the time for her to be my Friend-she had to be my Doctor and keep me focused on the serious problem in front of us.
A cold reality hit~~~Matt was too silent, I feared what was running through his mind as he carefully got me
home, and finally spoke "You are going to really need my care-a lot more than usual" and I felt like this
latest problem had just added another anchor around his loving neck. But life keeps moving-no matter the
situation and I could choose to face this like a grown woman or simply stick my head in the sand and hide
from this news. Reality hit again this morning as I opened the Fridge~~ suddenly Matt stood beside me, frustration boiling out as he told me "Didn't you listen to your Doctor last night? You can't lift anything over a quart of Milk anymore-do you get it now?"
Yes I now had Reality in front of me and it wasn't pretty~its been a day of quiet reflection for both of us, we can't plan anything out~~certainly can't get our hands around this New problem-and have no real clue as to what comes next...
For a brief moment last night~~it felt like I had given up, but as I stopped crying and sat up to be a Real Patient with my Doctor~~she took a sparkling funny Christmas Necklace from her neck and put it around mine-her time to be the Friend and say "Something tells me you could use this now!"
The path will be rocky~~ups and downs will come, but God is beside me and I will face each day, knowing
~~~~~~~~~Pain Won't Beat Me~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep looking up~~and know I pray for you. If you don't mind, please say One prayer for me.