I woke yesterday morning from another miserable night of battling PAIN, not caring really about the JOY that Valentine's Day brings to so many people around the world. Let's face it, I am worn thin from so much hurting and even the IDEA of sharing a card with my husband was not in the works on this day. When you go through endless days and nights of PAIN standing right beside you, being there to drain you and wear you down, it's pretty easy for ANGER and a "I don't care attitude" to settle in fast!
Yesterday, I went to see my neurosurgeon, seeking his help in the nightmare battle I am having with my insurance company. This doctor helped to save my life many years ago when I became septic from a device implanted to BLOCK the pain signal going to my brain. He knew my reason for being in his office, heard my intense frustration, and went into action quickly to help me.
First of all, he had the delightful task of telling me that I will live with this PAIN for the rest of my life and that the ONLY brief relief I can get is through epidural injections. But by the grace of God, this man KNEW the treatment I need and rapidly dictated orders and a FIRM letter to the insurance company. It hit me that I'd probably NEVER thanked him for saving my life, and I stumbled around to find the RIGHT words. Finally, I said my thank yous. He looked at me, paused for a moment, and said, "Martha, you are a FIGHTER!"
Those few precious words gave me my JOY for the day! As I left his office, there were other PAIN warriors sitting and waiting, some in wheelchairs, all with the weary look of PAIN on their faces. As I passed, I prayed a silent prayer for them. God, please help them endure their battle so they, too, can find a moment of JOY today.
So PAIN did not WIN on Valentine's Day. I will keep fighting. Keep hurting. And keep praying to find the FIGHTER inside me.
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