People will tell me now after all these years how they really can SEE Pain on my face. I hear the words, keep moving and try not to focus that much on those words. But when I STOP for a second, place the battle to the side and LOOK in the mirror, then I KNOW what they are really saying!
Today my husband and I had a JOY moment with our dear friends. A photo was taken of us and when I saw it posted on the computer, all I could think was, "Oh, God, I look so Tired and Old!"
Let's face it, very little sleep, never being able to RELAX or just take a brief break from the PAIN, fighting insurance to get needed medical help, it ALL wears a person down. So I felt ashamed for a bit about how OLD I looked in the photo and then it hit me. All the lines on my face, dark circles under my eyes, the half-hearted smile I force on my face, these are all BATTLE scars from the war I wage every day against PAIN. In some ways, I actually feel PRIDE, knowing I am still here, determined to NEVER give up and–no matter what–keep looking for just a bit of JOY.
This is my life, and I am blessed in so many ways. I DO have to live with this horrible Pain, but it will NOT beat me.
No comments:
Post a Comment