Its raining outside as I sit in silence~~~wrapped with a warm shawl around my shoulders and the rest of me is being chewed on by a Pain I can't see, all I can do is feel it as the hours tick by. Now I am having to endure two new types of Pain~the old leg Pain seems at times like a distant memory, as the Neck and Back Pain is demanding my constant attention.
I try to type this out and my arms feel like lead-Pain is shooting down one arm~~then stops for a few seconds and heads to the other, almost like a "strange battle" going on and my body is the target. It hits home as I fear this is Pain doing everything possible to take whatever is left of "Me" as I draw a weary breath and know, time to figure out how to fight back against the Pain.
But how am I going to fight back? I have leaned hard on my fierce determination to not let Pain beat me down-and looked to the Heavens for support. Yet with the sudden arrival of this new batch of Pain~~I feel
like its the first day of "Pain School-101" and I must learn all my coping skills again.
I don't have all the answers to coping with Pain that brings me to my knees~~~all I can do is ask God to help me get through the rest of this night-and then I ask HIM to help me get through each day. This is hard-
but I refuse to give up. Life is a blessing-all I can do is take this one day at a time.
God please be with all of us who are suffering through the long nights with Pain.
martha
I hope by now you are feeling better. All this "extra" pain is from the stress with the insurance company. I'm so sorry you are going through this!
ReplyDeleteMay our Father gently hug you today!
Diane,
DeleteYes the insurance mess did not help, but these are two different areas where a major nerve is being pressed and it is NOT going away. When you add these two new problems to my "pain bowl" it does feel pretty rough. I refuse to let this take my determination away. Bless you for the prayers!
I see the surgeon Monday and will know more very soon.
Blessings I send to you Diane, If people could understand just how much a kind word means, the world would be much better.
Martha
Oh, I apologize, I thought you were talking of new pain resulting from the emotional stress you had just went through. I know with the neuropathy, any emotional stress of any kind, sends blazing pain.
ReplyDeleteI know of your major nerve being pressed on. I didn't mean to minimalize that. I'm sorry if it came off that way.
Diane--
DeleteNo Problem--truly... These two NEW pains have really turned my life upside down---leaving me a MESS.
I never knew the NECK could hurt so much until this Bulging Disc showed up~~~~its miserable beyond simple words.... At church last night, everybody knew one thing---do Not touch Martha's neck. I probably looked like the Hunchback of Notre Dame or whatever...
The other problem is the piece of disc that broke off and is pressing against the spine--thats why I have the weakness in my legs...
This all popped up FAST-and I am really struggling to adjust, find my extra load of inner strength (feels like its hiding on me) and learn again how to cope with miserable Chronic Pain.
You are right on about getting upset and how the Pain just roars-as if we got too close to the fire.
I will know more after seeing the surgeon in the morning-all I do know right now is PLEASE somebody help me find relief!!
love and hugs!! martha