When Pain is a Constant in your daily life, the search for answers never stops- computer pages are filled with desperate questions, people pleading for help, as Pain refuses to go away. It is heart breaking to read stories of people going through surgery after surgery-only to find themselves back in Pain as they face each day, feeling "Helpless" against the wicked foe we call Chronic Pain.
I braved my way through Computer pages holding vast amounts of information relating to my New Pain problems~~~it didn't take long to find that familiar list of surgical procedures, how swift the recovery
is afterwards, everything sounded hopeful. These new aches in my body are Hard to cope with but when it comes to any future surgery, my answer is swift "I am Tired of Being Sliced Open- finding Pain waiting for me, as it adds extra weight to my Pain Plate."
After reading pages of actual patients~their particular surgery, recovery times, and the end result-all I could feel was anger! This strong emotion is not directed toward the surgeons and Pain Management doctors~~God blessed me with two of the finest people serving in the Medical profession-I must let go of the Anger, allow my questions to spill out~~as I know there will be No answers:
1. Why can't there be a different type of surgery to fix a Bulging Disc in the Neck?
2. Who decided to use Cadaver Bone as the "filler" for the natural Bone God put there?
3. Who designed the Steel Plate that holds everything together after Surgery?
4. Did anybody think about asking a Surgeon to try this out on their own body first?
5. How long does it take to go through the Airport with all this new "Hardware" in your body?
6. My Nerve Pain flares with weather changes- how much worse will it be with all this inside my body?
7. How much Scar Tissue is produced from this Surgery, and what are the effects of it?
8. Does anybody stop to ask "how will you feel seeing a permanent Scar across your Throat area?"
9. What do I say to people who will ask me "Why do you constantly wear a Scarf around your neck?"
10. How can doctors dare to question a Patient not having Courage & Strength to face each day that is loaded with Pain? Until the doctors have "walked the Shoes" of their patient, they should never Doubt the hidden courage of a human being.
My list of questions keeps going, but there is a reality to face--the most Bitter Pill to swallow is the Truth Pill~~~~I live with Chronic Pain, day and night-and I ask God to help me each day.
If I needed any reminder of how Pain loves to travel, my husband slowly walked by and asked me "Where is that other Walking Cane at? I think the messed-up Disc in my back has flared up again!"
Time to stop asking questions~~now my husband needs me, and we are here for each other.
I pray for him to get better, just as I pray for all who suffer with Pain-I ask God to give us all a few moments of Relief from the battle.
Martha
Martha this post broke my heart for you and all you are suffereing. The questions you penned down are valid questions so please continue to ask. This kind of surgery is one that requires many questions to prepare you for what comes afterwards, either you will be free of that pain, maybe only 50 percent gone or , and I hate to even write this, could be it will not help. But to make a decision that will affect your life is wise my friend. Then comes the risk part, to ok for surgery is a risk , to not ok for surgery is a risk. I will be praying God give you clear wisdom as you evauate the risk. Well written post, everyone should read it, I will post it on my fb if I can so others can be enlisted to pray for you my friend. Love Betty
ReplyDeleteBetty-
DeleteYou are so dear~~~ wise beyond mere words and I truly value your input and treasure all the prayers you send my way. My decision has been made-I will not have my body cut on any more if I can possibly keep it from happening.
I was very frustrated when a question was posed which doubted my courage and strength to fight through continued Pain~~that is here now and will stay here as I choose to have no surgery done. That long day was terrible-I sobbed my heart out to Matt as we drove home and bless his heart, he finally stopped the car and let me get all of this out!! The fear of this surgery took me back to 2001 when I almost died from a staph infection-my mind was back to long days of sitting in a chair, straining to find even an ounce of strength in my body. It was a time of deep sadness for me, and its by the grace of God that I found my way back to being a different ME again.
I can see that Doctors really don't like it when they can't FIX a person---there is compassion in them, and a drive to help people feel better. But a day comes and they too must swallow the Bitter Pill and respect their patient's decision. I can hopefully keep getting some injections every few months from my Pain Management Doctor--and keep living with Pain.
It really touched me that you would like to put some of my post on your FB and thats fine with me. I still have a ton of questions--but for the moment, I must put my Pain to the side and help Matt feel better. We are a true Pain Clinic here in Texas!!! Thank God we can still laugh and love.
God bless you Betty for caring! It means so much to me. Love, martha
I just left you a rather tearful message on your phone because I could have written this email. My experience with my four surgeries, and with ministering to dozens of other patients is this: Physicians take into account the whole patient very little. Their focus is on "What is broken that I can fix" over "What is the cost of fixing it for good of the patient overall?"
ReplyDeleteWe (patients who suffer from severe pain) are not patients that doctors are prepared to care for over the long-haul; they see us as short-term care patients only. We are difficult to treat--so they can/will only focus on specific areas they might impact, EVEN if those areas might have a high chance of negatively impacting us overall.
It is a very hard truth that I come to understand with great heart-ache. It runs so very counter-intuitive to what we like to believe is true. It runs contrary to the Hippocratic Oath, yet physicians operate in ignorance of the overall life situations and lifestyle needs of their patients.
YET, GOD is in control of all! He cares for us more than anything else, and He will see us through. He has given you the HS who has sensed that this surgery is not right. I wish it offered more promise...I really do. But, He will make a way.
The time may come when surgical procedures exist for both of us, dear friend. Who knows? Or, who knows what else may be discovered that may heal nerve damage?
Let us stay strong and keep to our task of showing others it IS possible to live! And to trust God through all our hard places...authentically admitting how hard it is...being real about our weaknesses...and always returning to trust.
NO pain can defeat us! Amen?
Love always-- Judi
www.GreatPainGreaterGod.com
Judi-
DeleteI loved your Amen??? Yes dear Judi-AMEN and then AMEN again!! What a clear, concise, to the point, this is the way it is, MESSAGE you have shared with me today. These words came at a moment when I was truly needing them-each day is up and down for me, and this is one of the toughest today~~we are having some weather changes (nothing like what you get to see) snow is very rare and if if ever happens, well it just brings us to a complete STOP and we stand looking up in AWE-then some will jump in their vehicles and see how fast they will have a wreck because none of us have a clue as to how you should drive on icy roads.
I treasure your words Judi-believe me on that because I needed some "lifting up" today. My Pain started to Roar and I found myself sitting in the dark, with a cup of hot tea, trying so hard to settle my mind, heart, nerves, anything I could work on so possibly the Pain would relax too. But--it didn't work, so I slowly put one foot in front of the other and started my way through today.
It was a JOY moment to visit with you on the phone. How I wish there was something I could do to make your Pain go away. But it hits me---I CAN PRAY FOR YOU!!! Believe me, I will be doing that and keeping them coming your way. I feel your prayers as I do for so many others who are lifting me up in prayer.
Yes Judi-let us stay STRONG and keep showing others---it is very POSSIBLE to live in spite of constant Pain. Just look up, all the love and help we could ever need is right there, just waiting for us.
You have my love always. Please feel free to call whenever you like.
Martha