What am I supposed to do now?

Recently I took a much needed Break from Blogging-my body has screamed at me "Slow Down", so I threw a Curve Ball at Pain and my decision was made!  Thats when it hit me "What am I supposed to do now?"  Sure I could rest-but the irony of taking a break was twisted-Pain refuses to leave me alone as  doubts rose-worry filled me- what  if my fighting spirit had also taken a sudden detour? Each night as I dragged my Bone-weary Body to bed, I turned to prayer, "Dear Lord, Please help me with this Pain!"
I know HE hears my prayer, as I been so blessed with an abundance of Strength & Courage!  

I ignored the signs of being Tired for too long- my eyes once filled with a Sparkle, now dull and tired-the result of living with Pain! During a recent visit with a dear friend, Courage suddenly helped me find my voice- "I get really Tired from fighting this Battle!" It felt like a Boulder had been lifted off my back- as my Friend remained Silent-giving me a precious gift-Listening without Offering any Suggestions! Words poured out of me, all running together-" I am afraid I will lose the Fight Inside me" my words coming to an abrupt Halt- I now sat silent, feeling lost and so afraid.  Another blessing came my way as She took a long look at my tired eyes, slumped body, as I squirmed in the chair, trying to move around to avoid the Burn in my Leg, and I heard words filled with Love "Its Okay to take a break Martha-None of us understand your Battle-but it might be a good idea if you just stopped and did Nothing!"


 The next day I received an email from this amazing woman-filled with words I shall cherish forever:

She spoke of how falling from the tree changed both the course and context of my life-with Pain now providing the shades, shadows, and textures of each day.  Good Pain Day, Bad Pain Day-this context making my life different from a majority of people!  


Then she gave a image-comparing me to a Football player, staggering down the field with a 300 lb. invisible tackle on my back.  People shouting "Go Martha, Just Do It, Score those Points" nobody understanding the Hard Row I have to Hoe.  Not only the Pain-but a world filled with people who do not understand how Pain re-routes my Life.  


When I finished reading her words, I sat and pounded my chest-tears pouring from my heart as it hit me "Oh My God-Somebody truly Understands!"

God bless all who suffer with Pain, no matter the cause-I pray God will wrap His arms around you!

martha herden