Chronic Pain is a Thief! It does not come quietly in the night-sneaking around as it waits to strike-but instead hits me with no warning, pouring waves of Pain upon Pain as my already exhausted body struggles to find one simple moment of Peace. I have lived with Pain for over sixteen years-having many low days of wanting to be left alone-just Me and Pain. This was an early start of my Voice growing quiet as the Pain took over-but deep inside- I still had Hope!
Its tough to admit-I played a huge role in silencing my own Voice, as I worked so hard to keep the Tree Fall a Secret, as the Pain grew-I suffered in silence. I was afraid to voice opinions to doctors who had every possible diagnosis-except the Correct One! My Pain was too much of a mess for them to dive in and help me untangle the growing bands of Pain . Each time I left their office-another piece of Me was sliding away, but God knew me better-as I found my way to Prayer, courage rose in me to find my Voice-and I started speaking up, Loud and Clear! The first Ray of Hope was finding my Pain Management Doctor, who was more than willing to work with me, so we could find the source of my Pain.
Today I found my Voice feeling Silenced again-another round of Insurance Confusion hit-I felt like a child who learned tough lessons of Being Seen but not Heard! How could I explain-"Look, I am physically worn out from injections to silence the Butt Burning- my Emotions are low as I face Cold Truth-Pain is never going away-so I could use a break today-if you don't mind!"
God held me today- tears flowed as I poured my heart out to a caring woman who works as an Advocate for both active and retired Police Officers-she was my Angel today, who listened with love-not judging me
as I shared how hard it is to walk the road of Chronic Pain. She was my Voice today-helping with all the
Insurance issues, knowing I did Not Have the Fight in me today. I thank God for her.
Yes-Pain can take our Voice Away-but with Faith-we will Speak up Again. Nothing about Chronic Pain is easy-Nothing! All I can offer for each person living with Pain is my own story-hoping to have the courage to share my daily Struggles with you. I keep each of you in my Prayers-if you have a chance, please
say just One Short Prayer for me.
God bless you.
say just One Short Prayer for me.
God bless you.
Martha
Alleluia for the Grace that never stops to amaze, for the Love that is still a mystery up to these days.
ReplyDeleteNo computer nor programs can ever define your greatness Oh Lord.
Yes to Faith, Martha.... it gives a Voice to our thoughts, fingers to key in our feelings. Go, my dear Sister, we are around you and behind you in this.
We love you! And God will prevail over our smallness, over our strife and pain... He will fulfill His promises.
Lolita-
DeleteYour response is moving-that just puts it lightly, as your words give true meaning each time you speak!
I am always moved by your comments. I know with God by my side, I will be able to face each day. HE has brought me many Miracles, and you are ONE!!!
God bless you dear friend. My love goes back to you.
Martha
I'm so glad the tears have flowed, Martha. If nothing else, they are a stress-reliever. But, they are so important to The LORD that He keeps them in a bottle, next your name written in His Book. (Ps. 56:8) Every drop is precious to Him. For every droplet represents your pain - whether physical or emotional.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine dealing with the frustration of insurance companies on top of your everyday struggle just to live. I thank God for the compassionate woman you dealt with and that He has given you the grace to deal with it all.
We love you!
Yes, pain - whether physical or emotional - can steal our voice. Mine was silenced for seven years. But, God has restored the years the locust have eaten (Joel 2:25) from both you and I through our blogging. We now have a voice.
And we hear yours loud and clear, my dear friend. Loud and clear.
And as Dear Lolita said, "We are around you and behind you" on your journey. Like Aaron and Hur held up Moses' arms when he became too weary and tired to hold them up any longer (Exodus 17: 8-14), we are holding your arms up, Martha. And we won't let go!
Hi Diane!
DeleteThank you for the LOVE that shines in each word you send my way!
I was very lucky to have this loving gal help me with the Insurance mess-she is amazing. The FIRST time I met her, Matt was working as a Detective and I marched into her office, looking for another woman who had been helping me but there this sweet young gal sat and
I "Unloaded Verbally" and didn't pause to hear ALL the words flying out of my mouth (matt said Sailors would have been impressed) and once done, I thanked her and marched away. The other woman who I had been working with, was sitting behind a cubicle, "listening to the Martha Herden Rant" and she leaned around to this gal after I left and told her "Oh by the way, That is the MARTHA I was telling you about-sounds like it went really well!!!"
Within seconds, Matt was dragging me by the hand, stood me in front of her desk and said "Now Martha-you apologize to her and be NICE about it!!" YES-HH, my own personal Verbal Cop! So i started apologizing as tears and sobs flowed with so many I AM SORRY words running between tears and she sat, frozen! I do think she was afraid to move! Once I ran out of words, Matt patted me on the shoulder, gave me some kleenex and as we walked out, I looked back and said "Sure hope you have a NICE day!"
She has NEVER forgotten that moment and Thank GOD-she looked beyond the Raging Martha and heard my heart as I made a sincere apology! Also I think she was a bit worried that Matt might insist I write a 300 word essay on Anger!!!!! We have been great friends since that day and both of these women have been there for me-praying as I went through NINE different surgeries, numerous severe infections and are so thrilled to hear me fuss, laugh, cry--well just being ME!!!! They are two special Miracles for me!!!!
I am so grateful for all the love coming my way each day and I just pray that I can send even a tiny pebble of Love back!!! I sure try-thats the best anyone can do!!!
All my love, Martha
Try??!! You are a master at it! Thank you for sharing that story! God bless you!
ReplyDeleteAh Diane-
DeleteYou make my heart SING! HH always tells people-
"With Martha, what you SEE is What you GET" I wonder at times if that is a compliment or perhaps a Warning??
God put some Tough words in front of me Monday-no way getting around it-but my Doctor KNEW-especially when she heard me utter that dreaded word-SURGERY??
Nope-I believe she would rather go on a tv show and eat Worms before standing beside Martha-knowing I was facing surgery!
Thank you for these words of True Love!!! You touched me deeply today dear Friend. Truly...
Love, Martha