I decided to take a leap of Faith-asking my husband to be totally honest as he shared some of his feelings about Living with Me & Pain. He was hesitant at first-asking me if there might be a "Wrong Answer"-I asked him to speak from his heart, and let the words flow. He is my "Silent Partner" who isn't able to fully express frustration, anger, sadness~~instead He stands strong beside me, doing his best to help. I can't express all that Matt does for me~~ So I say this-He is my Rock!
Matt's heart talks about Pain~~~~
A Good Day for us is when I see no outward Sign of her Pain-it gives us a brief moment to feel normal again.
Chronic Pain gives me nothing I can take a Swing at! Her Pain is like a Snake-slithering around as it covers her with Pain.
On the Bad days of Pain, I know to stay silent-its clear to see her Defense Mood is up-the Pain is so bad and she wants nobody to touch her. I watch from the sidelines~feeling helpless as Pain marches on.
Chronic Pain has taken a lot of her True Kindness away-but then I look at her and can still see this
soft sweet Woman with such a tender heart- I want to protect her from this battle. She has lost so
much of her life but keeps Fighting and I know she will never give up.
Thirty-seven years ago, I took a vow before God-to honor this wonderful woman, and I will be with her~~in sickness and in health. The day might come when She is on this side of the Bed, helping me.
I pray a lot for Martha~~~actually I pray all the time for her. She is the other half of me and I would
be lost without her. I thank God for her and will love her forever, regardless of Pain.
Thank you Matt~for these words that come from the heart! You are the love of my life.
God be with all Spouses who are walking the path of illness with a loved one.
martha
OMG...that needs to be framed Martha. I am speechless at Matt words. Gives me a little inkling into what my husband feels at time. Thank you brother for your words..God bless you two.
ReplyDeleteBetty~~
DeleteMatt will be deeply touched by your compliment!! I must briefly share with you how this came about~I just walked into his office, pen/paper in hand and said "I need to ask you some questions-and want you to say EXACTLY what you are feeling-when it comes to living with me and my Pain!"
He paused briefly and the words began to flow~~My heart was moved
with each word~~and yes, some were hard to hear, but I could tell
he needed to speak them....
I will share this with him. I also will FRAME it--because it needs to be here on the wall by my desk~~so I can be reminded of
what the other "half of me" endures as I live with this Pain.
Betty, Betty~~~Just remember how you have been there for Ace~~especially during his recent health bout-and it is like Matt said, we never know when it might be our turn to stand "on the other side of the bed!"
All my love, martha
You are truly blessed to have a husband who is always lifting you in prayer, Martha... His love reminds me of my dad's for my mom, too...
ReplyDeletePam-
DeleteI have the good Lord to praise always for bringing Matt to me!! About three weeks before mid September 1973, I was at work, closed the door and prayed with everything I had in me~ I begged HIM to bring me a man who would~~~ respect me for the person I am, Love me Forever,& would Always be True to me.. After the prayer ended, I recall promising HIM that I was putting this in HIS hands.
Just three short weeks later, I was at a Chili Cook-off, visiting friends who I had known in high school and were all attending college. That was never in my reach-as my folks couldn't afford to send me to college. We saw this booth-filled with "cowboys" and ONE in particular had a SMILE on him~~my friends were too shy to ask for a chili sample--but NOT THIS GAL!!!
I walked up to Matt-asked for a sample of Chili and we talked for two hours!! About everything. I had NEVER met a man who was so happy-such a genuine SMILE that covered him (and he was also very handsome) and as they say--the rest is history!!!
We have had lots of tough times-but always clung tightly to the Lord and each other to find our way through.
I do know how blessed I am to have him--there are times lately as Pain seems to have taken so much of me-I do worry about all Matt has to live with. He reminds me "well, you never know when it will be Your time to care for me" and that is how we see things.
God brings us all different and unique blessings-some are very different than others, and we find ourselves "wishing" for more.
This is the real Human side of us--What I can also tell you is how very blessed I have been to stumble through the blogging world and find a woman who can write with the grace and beauty of
those "Gentle Fall Leaves-slowly falling to the ground" and I know-God is giving me the chance to read your words and store the beauty of them in my heart.
Thank you Pam for such loving words. Martha
That's a beautiful story, Martha and I'm so glad God blessed you that way. I begged him in those same prayers, but so far... no man...but oh well, I'm at the point that dreams are up to Him. You bless me with your words about my writing. It means so much to me that you find beauty and uplift in my words. Thank you for your encouraging words...
DeletePam~~
DeleteOne thing about me-when I see words written with the love of God surrounding them~~Well I feel Praise is very worthy and you are more than deserving of them!!
There is a reason God has not brought a "Spouse/Man of your dreams" into your world-HE is the one who knows why and it is a real blessing to see you moving on through life-sharing/writing/laughing/crying~~doing everything possible without a Spouse beside you.
BE PROUD OF YOUR WORDS! Perhaps they haven't found the "exact spot" for publishing-but keep going. You never know when that DOOR will open. But it will happen!!
((blessings to you))martha
I came from visiting Betty and was telling her for her almost to golden years of union with Ace, God is sure at the center of it, who supplies them with love and strength to tackle anything that comes.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I am wanting to tell the same to you too, when unions thrive and strengthen, despite all, there God at the center of it, made greater and lifted higher. The closer the couple draws to God, the closer and stronger their bond be.
I admire Matt for being so tender and loving and caring.... in the midst of your pain, Martha. A prayerful husband is truly a gift from heaven.
GBU both with my love,
Lolita-
DeleteHow you are able to put the words in such a perfect way-to help us see God's blessing in our marriage. Matt is one of a kind-I am so very blessed to have him-to know he loves me and will be here with me for the long ride.
Thank you for seeing this in Matt~~his Faith is so strong and I continue to learn from him..
Yes my friend-in the midst of my Pain-God has truly sent me a special Gift~~his name is Matt.
Love, martha