In our small church, there is a side door~~ we all know what its used for, people who use a walker, need to be in a wheelchair~~ to me its the best door of the entire church! It takes a lot of courage to walk through that door~~every head turns when it opens-as if we are all waiting to see who will come through and it also gives everyone a chance to see how the person is handling their physical problems. I have walked through
the door many times over the years-usually by the use of a walker, once as I needed to be on crutches (just a word of advice~Never try to put up a wallpaper border in your bathroom and take one foot to stand on top of the toilet, the other foot stretched too far and standing on the tub faucets! Its a recipe for disaster.)
Today I sat in silent prayers-feeling my Pain starting to rumble back again~~suddenly the door opened and a man came in. He wasn't taking a easy stroll through the door~~instead his hand gripped crutches that supported his body-it was clear to see the braces on his legs and I knew~~this man had faced tons of Pain and was carrying it all with him~~not worried about others seeing his disability, all he wanted to do was come to church.
His face was almost stone-like, but once he settled in the pew, and his head bent in prayer-I could see his
body begin to relax and slowly a smile came on his face. He probably had to work very hard to manage that smile~~ My eyes stayed fixed on him~~I wanted to learn more from this gentle man who struggled to find his way to God's house today. He has a story-how his body came to be so riddled with Pain and I knew it was better that I not push-I think God wanted me to simply watch and learn today.
When services ended~~ I paused to see him rising, struggling to get the crutches in place before he dared take a step~~all I had to do was place my trusty cane in front of me and walk on. A vast difference between us~~ and yet we both hold a common bond~~ Chronic Pain.
Walking with Chronic Pain takes a ton of courage and faith~all we can do is take it one day at a time.
God bless you and I pray for all who suffer with pain. martha
It's our own pain that opens our eye to other really. I'm not saying you would not have been aware of the man on crutches but not to the depth you are now. Now I don't believe for one minute that is the reason God does not heal us here. There are all levels of healing taking place inside a body racked with pain who heart is determined to worship the Savior even through the pain. God does not punish us, we punish ourselves with our questioning, oh why did I do that, or if I had only not done that. You know that road of thoughts...been down that before. Truth is we live in a sinfilled world and a frail body that fall, stumbles, hits things, smashes our fingers, trip and breaks a leg, climbs a clift, well you get the picture...it's not God fault there pain, He just promises us there will come a day when all pain and tears are gone...we can place our trust in that. Good post my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you Betty!!
DeleteYou do bring up a good point for me to "ponder on" as I think about
my view of others who are suffering~~ without question so much has changed over the years-no longer do I take a quick glance and move my eyes away~~I see Suffering in its full package!
Simply put~~living with Pain for all these years has opened my eyes and heart to see-taking everything in as I watch the person
who is suffering and I do give great thought as to how they manage each day.
I always felt that my heart was a caring one--but never dreamed God would take me on a journey in which I would learn how to fully love all of ME~~crushed nerves, loss of physical abilities, a broken heart (the hardest one) and yet here I have made it-still determined to walk the Path and reaching for God now--almost as if I need to put HIS number on Speed Dial!!!
You help me to see things Betty--its not easy to do when wracked with a Pain that seems determined to take all of me~~~ but I got
news for this Pain~~~ IT WILL NEVER GET ALL OF ME!!!!
God was here with me-long before Pain showed up!!!
Love and God's Peace I pray for you--dear Betty & Ace! martha
Love your determination girl...pain can never take you heart, that belongs to Jesus.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment Martha. My gift is exhortation, being an encourager. I love to help others see truth in the day to day of our lives. There is alway an eternal picture if we just look through our eternal eyes.
How blessed the church body is where you worship...lots of hurting sitting in pews...wounds that don't need a physcial cane but an emotional one. Blessings my friend
Betty-
DeleteYou help me to do a "spiritual follow-up" as I observe others in Pain. That statement-"Lots of Hurting Sitting in the Pews" is so powerful! The truth of it almost feels like a blow to my heart-but thats because I do see the "Hurting" and then I realize~~
"Guess what Martha-you are in the midst too!"
That one hurts a lot~~~I have had two very rough emotional weeks~~ finally ending with me standing at the kitchen sink, pounding away at dishes~~as a verbal rampage begins to pour out of me~Sobbing more as the words flow, grieving about all the things I can no longer do-Angered at the ease of which others can do almost everything. As the tears grew, I suddenly felt the presence of Matt-he had been quietly standing behind me, letting me release so much pent-up anger and frustration. I turned to him and fell into those loving arms and sobbed more!!!
Its not easy Betty-I have pushed tears down for a long time and don't like them to surface. But I am human, I know the good Lord loves me and has HIS arms wrapped around both Matt and me as I go through these moments.
Then I see the devastation of this week-a country ripped apart by a massive blow from Mother Nature~~my life seems pretty good when I see so many people having lost everything-yet they lean on Faith and will find their way back.
Thanks for listening Betty!!!
God bless you. martha