Saturday, April 14, 2012

Facing the Facts...

My dear friend's son was married this afternoon to the love of his life-a beautiful young woman and the service was amazing!  It was a real blessing to hear the minister share how this young couple places God first in their life and how they both share a true desire to give back to the community-in thanks for all they have been given.

The church was filled with people supporting these two in love and prayers.  I had the pleasure of helping to get the wedding party all lined up for their entrance to the church.  Everything flowed perfectly and then it was time for me to open the doors for the Bride to enter.  She was being escorted by her Mom down the isle as her Dad was the minister who would perform the wedding ceremony.  When I opened those doors, there stood Mom and Daughter, holding hands and sobbing-I knew without a doubt those tears were coming as both of them were mentally processing all the years together, from a baby coming into the world, to a Mom now preparing to walk her only daughter down the isle and hand her over to a wonderful young man!

It was a moving moment-and they had to work very hard to pull the emotional moment together-and I could see the tremendous love that flowed between them.  After finding my seat beside my husband, I sat down and he just leaned over, put his arm around me and gave me Kleenex-because my tears were flowing and nothing was going to stop them.

This young man has been in our lives since he was in the fifth grade-and we have shared many ups and downs with him and been a second family when he needed it.  We have seen him graduate from college, watched him worry about finding a good job, then cheering with him as he landed a solid job with a large city, being part of their Engineering Division.  This is his talent and he is dedicated to his work.

I guess this happens at weddings, but for me it was like a video was playing-moving at a fast rate as I recalled a funny kid with a wicked sense of humor, a young teenager with amazing respect for his elders, a young man dedicated to reaching his goals in life and today-a Man who was holding his Bride's hand-as love flowed between them. God was standing there beside them and I know-they will find their way through life. As the service was ending, this wonderful young man took a second and looked at me-smiling with such joy.  It was a sweet moment between us and I thought my heart would break, not from sadness, but from Love.  

So today I faced the fact that a Little boy had rapidly grown into a wonderful man-and I prayed to God, asking for Him to watch over this loving couple as they begin their journey in life.  The other fact I had to face-this one not so pleasant was me trying to DANCE with my husband-just one slow dance was all I wanted.  A song started playing and we headed to the dance floor and as we moved around, my body was screaming at me, "you can't do this" but I am stubborn and kept working at it.  My husband knew that my strength was almost done and now he was dragging me around or so it felt like that and this is when it hit me, as I told my husband "I am done-its time to go Home!"

Facing the facts--having to admit my dancing days are probably over-my leg was barely supporting me and I knew it would not look too good for me to just be laying on the dance floor!  But facing this has not brought anger or heartbreak-but instead-its brought me to acceptance.  Yes I will miss dancing but there are still many things I can do with my husband and for that-I thank God with all my heart.

Chronic Pain takes a lot from us-but it does not have to take everything-we just need to keep looking beyond the Pain, trying to find just one simple thing that brings us a bit of joy.  For me-I am willing to keep looking for that Joy-and thanking God for each day He gives me.

Facing facts is never easy-but with faith and courage, we will find our way.  God bless you all.  Martha

14 comments:

  1. Sounds like the wedding was holy and very special. Memories you will always have with you.

    I'm sorry that PAIN zapped you of your energy. IT tried to stop you, but you WON'T let it. You persevered and will probably pay the price for it in the next days. (We'll be praying for you.) But, that's what a mother's heart does. And you are like a second mother to him. We all know that is why you could press in.

    This is another fact: Pain WON'T beat Martha! What an example you are to us all! God bless you as you REST now, Martha.

    Rest.

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  2. Diane-
    Thank you for reminding me "Martha will not let Pain beat her" because I am truly feeling the effects of all the activity during these past few days. I wanted so badly to have a complete dance with my dear hubby, but heh-even a few steps helped us both.

    God helped me with the acceptance-instead of being angry and grieving-it really felt as if God was right there beside us both, as my heart began to tell me "time to stop this Martha-each step feels like you are going to fall down on this dance floor" and thats when I looked into the loving eyes of my husband and said "Time to take this old gal Home!"

    We laughed about it last night-a true sign of really letting go and allowing ourselves to accept the facts and just keep following the Path God has for us.

    Thank you Diane for speaking of me as being someone who is an example for others--that is a very HIGH compliment!!!

    Love to you my Dear Sister in Christ.

    Martha

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    1. It is true, Martha. You are our model of perseverance and inner strength. I have told you before that I am so afraid of pain. I don't like being beaten by pain, that would immobilize me..... or get in the course of my daily routine and especially our source of livelihood.

      I am learning so much from you and Diane. I need to cast everything upon Him, and trust Him no matter what happens to me.... and my family.

      And even if you did not finish the DANCE, you did it-with your firm desire and determination.

      Now, take your rest..... I'm glad too, that you were able to laugh about it..... and to you most sensitive and loving partner, I salute!

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    2. Lolita-
      There is nothing like a SALUTE--I Love it and you honor me deeply with it!

      As for me being a "model of perseverance and inner strength"-wow, those are BIG words and you lift me up more than I can say. Nobody likes being beaten down by Pain-nobody. Yet there are times when it comes down our path of life and we either face it with God by our side, or just give in and let it roll over us, smashing any future hopes and dreams we might have.

      I will be very honest-the Fifteen years of being in constant Pain-well, sorry to put it this way but its been HELL-and I never knew just how far DOWN inside me I would need to dig-pulling up every single Ounce of Strength and Determination Possible so I can keep going and living my Motto out-Pain Won't Beat Me!

      Your words inspire me Lolita-truly they give me hope and inspire me to keep moving ahead. You are also right about "Casting everything upon HIM and TRUST HIM-no matter what happens!" I know HE stands with you each second of the day and behind that beautiful smile of yours, I see a "tiger" inside you-who will battle back against struggles and as you do this, I see you holding the hand of our LORD.

      Lolita-you Inspire ME.. Thank you for helping me to be grateful for even a FEW dance Steps!!!!

      Blessings to you and a Texas YAHOO is sent your way! Love, Martha

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  3. Martha...so very glad you and your husband got to dance...I bet that stomp on the devil head real good. Like Diane I think you are more of an example then you realize. Also she is so right on the facts...pain won't beat Martha.

    It's been rough physcially since we moved, the trip out here, the moving into a condo, unpacking our household items, the rainy cold weather we did not expect in California. My fibermyalgia is up to a ten by 3 in the afternoon, not sleeping well even with a sleep aid, pain waking me up. I so believe my lack of contentment has put added
    stress on my body and as you know that makes fiber worst.

    I tell you all that Martha to be able to say whole heartedly , thank you , thank you for your sweet, honest post. You word speak encouragment to me at a much needed time. I feel like I have taken a couple steps back with my health. Ace has been great, even over board helping me adjust, taking on some of the work i usually do. Our son who lives with us is great too when he is here, he travels a lot. but he takes out the trash, sits around and talks to us, love to sit and eat a meal with us, brings our grand children over. I am searching my heart for where that seed of discontentment is buried. I don't remember struggling so much with discontentment on all the other moves but Ace just tells me I have forgotten.

    So very glad God see my discontent as my flesh and not anything bout Him. All this along with the pain has wore me out. I think I will take tomorrow and if the weather permites sit in teh sun and just listen to the birds...no phone calls, no internet, just a good book...I think my body would appreaciate a day like that. dont' even think I will cook but have Ace go get us something.

    well my dancing friend....blessings to you and that sweet husband...

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    1. Betty-
      Oh my heart feels for the Pain you are enduring-and I have been there-in that place where it feels like you are saying "ENOUGH-COME ON-SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!!"

      God DOES see your "Discontent" and understands it-and something tells me that although this move has been very hard for you and brought more Pain, things like weather you probably did not expect-somewhere in the midst of all this-lays your feeling of
      "Discontent" and I don't know why these next words are coming out of my mouth-but my "gut" is telling me "a New Feeling is coming your way-its almost at your fingertips and God has given you the courage to find it!"

      If I over-stepped with my words, I truly am sorry. During the past few weeks as my BUTT Pain decided to send me on a ride like NO other-I have felt very sorry for myself-and ANGRY-thinking about so much being taken by the Pain-my ability to do the physical things I loved doing. Now its slowly sinking in-I must find my path to acceptance-asking God to be with me-because I want to feel JOY with my husband-life speeds by us so swiftly-and I am now doing exactly some of the things you spoke of, we have a lovely patio to sit on, its surrounded by blooming plants and when the sun is shining, we love to go out there and watch the Hummingbirds zip by, fighting each other for the sweet nectar of the plants! This is when I try to remember "Martha-SMILE-this is your Nectar for the day!"

      Sorry for the long post but I wanted to finish it out with a bit of humor- I too tried the sleeping medication but it never really helped as Pain just kept butting in, waking me at all hours. One morning My husband got up to see me sitting in my comfortable chair-a sign I had been up that night and he started to make coffee. Suddenly I see this STRANGE look on his face-as he is moving the coffee maker around, opening the top to pour water in and then he STOPS-asking me "DID you TRY to make Coffee last night?" I sat there-"I don't think I did-is there a problem?"

      The LOOK he gave me said a HUGE PROBLEM existed. He is holding the coffee maker in one hand and tells me "Well-somebody poured an entire CAN of coffee into the WATER Holding Area!!! Do you think that might have been YOU?"

      I sat there and said with a straight face "You know, I guess Strange Things can happen at night!!!" He just shook his head, grabbed the car keys and said "I have to go by more COFFEE!"

      We still laugh about this-all these years later. My advice would be-Watch out for the Coffee Maker!!!

      Hang in there Betty! You are a fighter and I will pray for you, asking God to help you find some moments of relief! Love, Martha

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    2. Gee-I just have to butt in to your conversation. I find that whole container of coffee in the water hold so funny, Martha.

      I also remember myself, perhaps I had a little brain-off-time, I dropped a glass of water. It crashed to the floor and I remembered being asked of it was mine, I vigorously shook my head to deny. It was not mine, and it was a long time after, that I realized it was really me.

      I love to laugh, and this is a good one. Thanks for all your hilarious stories, even if sometimes, it is about the pain. That very thing about you, Martha...... is what keeps you going... You have come down a whole ancestry of witty and humorous kinship. I believe humor comes to witty-intelligent people.... who are so practical, they can laugh at mistakes and learn from them.

      Love you both, Betty and Martha, with my whole heart!!!!

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    3. Lolita-
      I am glad you enjoyed the COFFEE MAKER story-we still laugh about it after all these years. In our house, when something drops or gets broken, usually due to Martha being very clumsy, or falling-
      My dear husband will ask me "Did you break this Vase?"

      I will pause, looking as if I am in deep thought, trying to figure out HOW it broke, then I will look at him and simply say

      "IT FELL!!"

      He knows-Martha has been here again!

      Laughing is good for the soul and I know if I don't laugh, there will be a ton of tears!!!

      I am honored by your words of my ancestry-there was a lot of wit and humor--and it appears I must have grabbed onto it also.

      Thank you for these beautiful words Lolita!!! God bless you.

      martha

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  4. You woman of God just make me laugh and cry!
    I love you all so much.

    I too was on sleeping pills for 3 years. I began doing some very strange things in the night. At first, not realizing at all that it was me. Weirdness in the house - things unplugged, things thrown out, food gone from the fridge, etc.

    Turns out it was me!!! That's when I knew I better get off these things. I'm off about 2 months now. Sleep is torture once again. So tempting to go back on them, but I went through rough withdrawal and don't want to do that again!

    A word to dear Betty: I'm so sorry you are suffering so. There is so much change in your life right now. Coming back to American society after being out of the country for so long, is difficult. The discontent you are feeling is understandable - your living in a foreign country. I will be interceding for you, as will the others.

    I love you all!

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  5. Diane-
    Well its interesting to hear about others "Late night happenings" while taking a sleeping aid. I will add one other blunder of mine-my hubby had just purchased FOUR brand new pairs of Jeans-and had asked me to give them a light WASH to take some of the stiffness out so he could wear them.

    WELLLLLLL---I did just as he asked me. One morning he was ready to put on his new jeans, asking me where they might be. "Oh I think they are in the dryer-just to give them some fluff!!" The next thing i know-my husband comes out of the laundry room with all FOUR pairs of Jeans in his hands and there is NO joy on his face!!!

    I "notice" something looks a bit different about these jeans-they are NO longer the same color-there are all sorts of big WHITE SPOTS on the jeans!!

    He asks "DID you wash these JEANS?" Martha always takes a long PAUSE when things don't look well-"Uh, well-Uh, yes-- I did!! I washed them last night-just like you asked me to! Is there a PROBLEM?"

    My hubby turns around, goes back to the laundry room and returns with a Large Bottle of Clorox BLEACH in his hand!! I knew this was NOT going to be a good moment-but thought I had washed the jeans.

    He looks at the jeans, then looks at the Bleach, then looks at me and says "Where is the SOAP you used to wash them with?"

    This moment is one for the books-I knew "something Strange had happened last night" and so I slowly answered "The Soap is right there-in your hand!!" He was speechless-and then said "well thank God you were not making COFFEE!!!"

    One for the books.

    Hang in there Betty! Things will get better!!! love and blessings, Martha

    psss--thanks Diane for sharing "the strange things that happen with sleep aids!"

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  6. LOL....

    I can't stop laughing....

    Yes, thank God you weren't making coffee!

    "Bleach, anyone?"

    LOLLLLLL...

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    1. Diane-
      Omg--- i am laughing away at the question "BLeach, Anyone?"

      After the Jean Disaster, Matt HID the Bleach!!!

      When I bring this long ago memory up, for whatever reason, He does not LAUGH about it!!! Guess he wasn't ready to wear Tie-dyed bleached Jeans!!!

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  7. thanks girls for the laughs...I recently had one of those strange night. I sit up for a littel while after I took my sleep aid to talk to my son. I must have offered to fix him a grilled cheese and burned it, the fire alarm went off, of course my husband woke up. i did not remember one thing the next morning..scary. Yes, I am coming off of them too...just cut them in half and next step is completely off. Any advice on what to do to help one sleep...tried a lot of natural stuff but none seem to work.

    by the way Martha my husband did not laugh about the burned grilled cheese either. I know he is concerned for me.

    thanks girls for being so honest on this subject...and thanks for the laughs...

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    1. Betty-
      I am glad to hear you are slowly working your way off of the sleep aids. If you try to do the Cold Turkey-oh my, its not pleasant. When I finally stopped taking them-the first FIVE nights were horrible! I felt miserable but gradually it got better. One thing I did try and still use it on the Bad nights is an Herbal Tea-here in Texas, its Called Sleepy Time-and although its not a miracle cure for sleeplessness, it is relaxing, and while sipping Tea, this might sound strange, but I will start to repeat the Lord's Prayer-very slowly, silently, deep slow breathing, all of this to get some sleep.

      For me-a ride with my hubby, even if its for a short 30 minutes, seems to put me in sleepy land Fast. I probably get about Five minutes of sleep at times, but when I wake up, its like i slept for several hours. All I can say, is just keep trying and know we are all praying for you!!

      I understand your husband's worry about the Grilled Cheese burning. But something tells me his worry for you comes from a very deep love for you!

      Hang in there Betty-we all are lifting you up in prayers. Martha

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