Picking myself up Again!!

No-this post title does not mean to say I took a bad fall, Thank God-because if that were the case, I would be at the Hospital Emergency room right now, trying to figure out the damage done by a fall.

Like all who suffer with Chronic Pain, some of the roughest days will suddenly arrive, with no warning or reason except to say "HELLO, I AM HERE AGAIN!"  I have all my daily coping skills and start using them first when it hits me that I am feeling like a huge truck ran over my body!  Prayer comes pretty quick, then trying to do something  relaxing so my mind is off the intense throbbing, walking the floor and complaining to my dear husband who must be thinking "Lord please give me patience and please help my wife" and on it goes.

It feels like a vicious cycle with no end in sight and yet I know its vital that I dig so deep-to find every bit of determination possible so I can hang in there and Never Allow Pain To Beat Me.  Trust me-there are no Victory Chants when it feels like I have gained some ground, because these are the seconds when I am grabbing for every ounce of strength possible-and sometimes when I am grabbing desperately for strength, its very scary to feel weak and worn thin from Pain.

What I have learned is this:  a) Always turn to God in Prayer and never think He is not listening-He hears every word of Prayer I utter, and what a GIFT this is for all.

b) Get smart about my Pain-keep doing research, and yes-I do get down when the same words appear and sound so promising but in my case, fully knowing  there is no magical cure.

c) Reach out to others-Now as I say this, my dread is that friends will finally look at me one day and say "Gee Martha-I am so Tired of hearing how bad you hurt, so just DO something about it!"  Two things will happen if I ever hear those words-First I will apologize for leaning too hard on them  and then I will walk away and never complain again to them.  I must look within and realize, it is very hard to keep listening with an open heart-because we are so very human.  All I can do is hope and pray that I do not let my feelings turn to anger.

My list of things to do goes on but as I just said in the last few lines of this blog, I don't want to become the Best Pain Complainer in the World!

This has been a rough "Pain Spell" for me-I feel it, see it, and Know it!  I asked my husband yesterday if he could "see" the changes in me that Pain has brought on-he paused, as I gave him a look that might compare to a recent movie "The Help"-where Minny is saying "I want to see you Square On" because I wanted to hear his words-no matter what was said!

His voice was filled with love and strength as the words came out "Martha, I see how tired you are at times, your walk is slower, I know you are really struggling with the Pain, and yet you are still the same beautiful, blonde haired woman with eyes that grabbed me the second I met you and fell in love with you on the spot!"

Oh my goodness-as I try to end this post, my heart is swelling with the tremendous love this amazing man has for me and tears are filling my eyes.  Its hit me-he is with me for the long run-all the way and his love will not waver!  God brought him to me and I realize how blessed I am to have the love of God surrounding me.

As my Mom and Dad both would tell me, "Sister, you just have to take life a day at a time."

My help is right in "front" of me and that gives me great Joy in the midst of my struggle.  I keep praying for all those who are suffering with this horrible battle-just take it a day at a time.  God bless you all.  Martha