During the past few days, all I have been able to think about is Pain-and feeling so completely helpless as I watched my body being drained of any remaining energy-all because I was stubborn and had to push myself way beyond my pitiful endurance levels. There is a saying "Payback can be Wicked!"
When Pain is raging in your body, its very easy to "forget" a promise made-because Pain is In Your Face-beating your body, and not showing any mercy. Thats where I have been the past few days as it hit me, I had forgotten a promise made to my husband-to get out of the house and take a drive to a beautiful place in Austin,tx-called the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center. Its a place of sheer natural beauty for generations to visit. I urge you to bring it up on the Internet and view this amazing place.
But when I got out of bed this morning-my body was screaming at me, saying "Quick, I need a heating pad, ice pack, Muscle Relaxer-actually I need a do-over of the last two days" and of course I had forgotten the promise I made to my dear husband. About mid-day I suddenly realized the house was just a bit too quiet and so I found my way to his office and gently asked "So, when do you want to leave for the Wildflower Center?" Let me just say, his sudden Stare at me told me so much-obviously I had forgotten about going and had been too consumed with the Pain Battle.
He looked at me and said "Seriously, look at how much you are hurting, there is NO way that trip is going to happen!" I could see the frustration in his eyes and definitely heard his words. After this many years of marriage, a time like this calls for a complete turn-around by Martha-and so I looked right back at him and said " Well I will be dressed and ready to go in Ten Minutes!" He was temporarily at a loss for words and came back at me "Now Martha-you know there is No way your body can do this today!"
It was a gentle "throw-down challenge" as I glanced back at those loving eyes of his and said "Just watch me!" I left his office, got dressed and returned to stand there, fully dressed, with my fingers lightly drumming across the top of his desk as I asked him "So-what's Your Excuse?" We grabbed each other, hugging with delight, knowing we had beaten Pain today-actually I think we gave it a "Texas Slam Dunk" of sorts.
Our trip was filled with taking photos, getting ideas of flowers we would like to plant in our garden area, and
above all, it was filled with the simple joy of being together. As we were finishing our lunch, my husband took a long look at me and said "You know, when I first saw how bad you were feeling this morning, I decided to just give this day up and do nothing-but You did it-By God's Grace, you rose above that Pain for a bit and we had some fun!" Lets just say-For me, It doesn't get Any Better than this day.
I give God all the credit for this day-and every day of my life. Yes I walked around with Pain right beside me today, but my Husband was also there, holding my hand as we took in nature's beauty that only God can create. Yes-this entire day was filled with Joy and love, and I will keep learning new ways to push past my Pain. My prayer is for you to have just a second or a hour or a day-in which you can stand up against the Pain that you fight. God bless each of you. Martha
Oh Martha, what a way to go! You challenged Matt with, "So-what's Your Excuse?" How I admire your resolution so much. If it was I, I would have lost and stayed. Indeed that was a whooping slam dunk, worthy of a brand new car. I could see how excited to go Matt was and how he loves to go anywhere with you and have fun.
ReplyDeleteYey, I love what Matt said about your excursion. "By God's grace. you rose above that Pain for a bit we had some fun!" Yes, Martha. You had a quality time spent out.
I took a peep at the Website you cited, and I saw the variety of wildflowers you got. We have those Lantara's here too. What a sight it could be in the area! Is that structure looking like a castle part of the landscape? And was Lady Bird Johnson a Texan too?
God bless you, Martha and Matt and I wish for all the ways you can beat the pain, rising above it, defeating it. I know too that below that resoluteness is the pain pushed back to a level where grace is in control. How I love you, Martha, I can't express them in words. HUGS!
Lolita-
DeleteJust your NAME brings a smile to my heart! Matt is always telling me "Martha-even after 37 years of marriage, you STILL find ways to surprise me!" I do believe this was one of them!! So glad you viewed the Wildflower Website-and YES-Lady Bird Johnson was as Texan as they come and she had a vision many years ago to see wildflowers preserved for their beauty! The structure you spoke of that looks like a castle, serves as a holding tank for Rain Water (least I think thats true) since we have such DRY summers here and people are learning how vital it is to use Rain Water.
You know Lolita-I am not anybody special-just a gal from Texas who has a deep spirit within. My one hope is that if a single word I type can reach a person who is in the depths of suffering with Pain-and they can draw on something I said in my blog-this is plenty for me!
I know what its like to sit all alone, wrapped in horrible Pain and thinking there will never be a day that I can be ME again. God has helped me each day to slowly learn, I am still ME-but now have an added companion, PAIN-and how I choose to handle it-thats where I pray for guidance from HIM.
Bless you for such words of love and grace. I will take a LOLITA HUG any day of the WEEK, MONTH, YEAR!!!
I love you just as much dear Lolita. Martha
Love this post, rising above the pain takes soooooooooo much effort. Have not slept well last two night ...pain was able to over ride the sleep and pain meds. Of course today I am wiped out and want to crawl back into bed right now. This is where I have learned knowing my body helps...too much sleep in the day time steals some of my sleep at night. And I need the sunshine pouring through the windows...need it warmths, vit D, vit C to give me energy.
ReplyDeletePraise God you did not want to disappoint your husband and break your pormise...that is courage my friend to love him more then yourself. And from your post I can tell you used courage, reaped wonderful benifits and I am sure gave courage to your husband. And those men and women who live with someone who has chronic anything...need to see courage pour out of us so it will seep into their wills. I know I draw on your courage...so thanks for sharing it. If you had not rose above your pain there would be none for me to draw from...keep drawing my courageous wise hearter sister. Blessings
Betty-
DeleteI don't know how to explain it but you have been on my Mind for the past week-as if a "silent voice" was urging me-"Have you checked Betty's site out to see how she is doing?" My heart aches for the Pain you are going through-and yet as I read your words, you are learning bits and pieces of things to do and NOT do! The sleep issue is a big one-if I sleep during the day-might as well figure it will be another night of walking the floor!
I thank God for the sunshine-as it does provide us energy-and I hear you again-knowing there are so many times where all I feel like doing is finding a chair to sit in, and just let the Sun pour over me.
Betty-you are a strong woman-and in my heart I feel you can "leap over Tall Buildings" but then I remind myself "well, that would be pretty dangerous-maybe Betty can leap over a small step outside!"
You have blessed me with your comments-and I am so humbled by everything you say. I have worried so much over the years as to all the FUN that left our lives once I fell from the tree, but after I began learning to forgive myself and just admit-"I had a really bad accident" somehow things began to look better for me. I do LOVE my husband so very much and he knew that I had to dig really Deep inside so we could make our trip to the Wildflower center.
Betty-I pray if even a single word I say is of help to you-then God use my words, my thoughts and let them reach out to give you extra courage and strength. Its nice to "surprise" our husband's in a way they never expected us to do-Matt knew how hard it was for me to PUSH myself above the Pain yesterday-but oh Betty, to see the Smile on his face-that was all I needed to get me through the day! I knew God was smiling down on both of us.
Keep fighting Betty-the fight doesn't have to be "a Butt-kicking fight" but it can be as gentle as you sitting near a window and feeling the grace of God's Sun, flowing over your body! I pray for you my dear COF Sister, my fellow Chronic Pain partner and how I wish that neither of us had to be in the Chronic Pain Battle.
God bless you and may He bring you some relief!
Martha
Thanks Martha for the reply...I will be seeking out a pain doctor when we return to California...realize I must not stop seeking ways to bring my pain under submission.
ReplyDeleteYou are funny girl...yes it would not be a tall building I would leap over, I get a rush just being able to step over anything. Ha
My husband recently hurt his neck and his knee and has been in chronic for the first time in his life. Sometimes when I am in the flesh I want to scream, this is how I have felt for years but mostly I just want to give him the few trick of the trade for coping with pain. Like a lot men he is stubborn about going to the doctor. He keep thinking it will go away...it's been over three months...stubborn. I do marvel at his stubborn strength...I know it is God fueled so often for I alone see him after he has battled all day with his pain. He gives me courage too.
I don't alway comment but I do read your post and always encouraged to fight the good fight with whatever strength I have. Blessing my wise hearted friend.
Betty-
DeleteAnytime I see a comment from you, it lifts me up! I also realize that when a person is suffering with Pain-well there are a lot of days when you just want to be left alone and do nothing. To me this is one of the many coping skills because I feel we are taking some moments to just "take a break" and try to paddle the waves of Pain.
Heh-I agree with you about the RUSH of being able to step over anything!!! I am very sorry to hear about your husband-and agree its much harder for them to seek out treatment. Heck-I will RUN To get any form of relief possible.
Today we had a very BIG emergency here and this time, it did not involve me-but my Husband. I am going to blog about it in just a few minutes because it is truly ONE FOR THE BOOKS...
Keep going Betty-you give me inspiration each time I read your words. Your spirit helps me to keep pushing back at the Pain so there can be a moment or two of Joy.
My prayers and love are always there for you. Martha