Its the most normal thing we do-SIT-so why does it have to be something I must worry about and dread? Gee that answer is simple-Chronic Pain-the Butt Burning I have struggled with has eased but its ultra sensitive-meaning I can't just sit Flat on my butt-if I do that for more than ten minutes, here it starts to creep into my life-I can literally feel the stinging Burn doing everything possible to fight its way through the medication injected to give me relief that I have been so desperate for and so I think-is there a Ticking Time Bomb just waiting to push past the blessed relief I have felt and again blow its way into my life again?
That answer is easy to find but hard to admit-Yes-the Burning Pain is like a simmering Pot on the stove-there is a saying "A Watched Pot never Boils" but in my case, I must keep a constant watchful eye on each move I make, how I sit, which side of my Body that I fall asleep on-so many simple things I once took for granted and now its like I must run through a Mental Butt Protection Checklist constantly-and then Pray that I have the upper hand on this Burning Pain-that I can do everything possible to keep it at bay-until I go for the next round of injections, hoping if its "silent" then we truly have a chance at knocking it out-making it think my Butt just ran away to some strange land and the Burn is lost!
This must all sound a bit unusual, but for me, its one of the many Faces of the Chronic Pain I deal with each day-and the Burning-well its become the number one Issue I am fighting back at. There are so many different faces to Pain-none are simple, and all those who are in this journey, are truly fighting to have an hour, a day-sometimes a few minutes of life without Pain. Unless you have walked this road, there is no way of really understanding how hard the Battle is-and how courageous people are who live with this monster called Chronic Pain.
I pray my Time Bomb does not go off on my Butt again-and the roaring Burn returns, but if it does, I am willing to battle again, trusting my Doctor, knowing she is fighting just as hard for me. All I can do is thank God for each day I have and keep breathing my motto- "Pain Won't Beat Me" and hope for the best.
God bless all the True Warriors who must battle with Chronic Pain. Martha
Martha, I'm so sorry for your suffering. I lift you up to our Father's Throne, where healing is the chldren's bread.
ReplyDeleteThank you Diane-
DeleteAfter having written my Blog-I found myself thinking "Now did I just have a verbal meltdown on my blog about Pain?"
Yes-I probably did-As I typed away, it seemed the frustration of having to constantly be "On Guard" for the Butt Burn-well I needed to just get it out and bless you for caring enough to listen!
Its really amazing-I know there are prayers said for me by many people and although I may never see their faces, I do feel God giving me that extra surge of courage during this time. I am so hopeful that if I can hang in there during two more rounds of injections for this particular Pain-my heart is telling me there is a Real chance of "putting it behind me!"
Well-heh-I had to say that!!! Believe it or not, even in Pain, there is Humor!!!
Thank you for being there Diane! God Bless you and I pray HE is right there for you also.
Love, Martha
I will be praying for a miracle with those injections, Martha. I will lift you up to His Healing Throne, where Jesus' very wounds would cover your own pains and redeem you back to those Days without Pain.
ReplyDeleteWe will claim it, proclaim it..... that Jesus has done the ultimate sacrifice for His people including pain and sufferings.
Oh God our Father, most merciful and generous, we claim your healing grace over Martha's pain. Touch the parts that aches, dear Father and whisper the words... that in Jesus' Mighty and Gracious Name, she be covered with Jesus' own wounds, pains and sufferings..... redeeming Martha's pain back to health. In your grace and mercy and in the Name of Jesus, I pray with thanksgiving.
Hugs to you dear Martha, as you also care for Matt. And I pray too for Matt's thumb to heal so fast and heal for good.
Lolita-
DeleteWhat could anybody need after such beautiful words of Prayer you have offered up for me!! My heart is so touched by your deep words to the Lord and I know HE has heard you.
If anyone had told me that a dear woman named Lolita-who lives on the "other side of the world" would blog with me and lift me up in Prayer-I would have thought they were in a dream world. But here I am-and the gracious love of God has brought me to your world Lolita-what a gift I have been given!
I praise you for this Prayer and for your concern for Matt. I especially loved the very last part-that his thumb will heal for Good!!!
God bless you Lolita!
Martha
Lolita-
DeleteI still keep learning this computer and hope I am not repeating a response to you but if I am-well just enjoy reading it twice!!
What a loving PRAYER you have spoken for me-words of hope, asking God to bring me back to health! Such graceful words flow from your heart Lolita-and I am blessed to have you as a friend. Its glorious to meet a person like you-so far away from me in miles yet it feels as if you sit right beside me as I blog-and I do Feel your prayers.
Nobody could ever ask more!!
God really has blessed this world by giving us Lolita!
Martha
My courageous wise hearted friend...you had to dig deep on this post. Dig past your physical pain, past the emotional pain that comes as a result to chronic pain, past the endurance strength that held you together all those years. Love the humor...will pray the injections work. I know how hard it is to "wait" for the relief to last...Keep blogging, we will give you freedom to verbally meltdown...then we will carry you to the lap of God in prayer. Blessings
ReplyDeleteBetty-
DeleteWOW-"The Freedom to verbally Meltdown"-how you hit it so right! This post was a Verbal Meltdown-because it really does feel as if I am sitting on the Pain Time Bomb-This wicked BURN-right now its still "groggy" from the Injections-and yet if I sit too long or lay on the left side of my body-I can feel it trying to "Claw" its way to the surface and its so scary.
But I have some real HOPE-its the First real sign that we might just be able to Slay the Butt Burning Dragon-I have another round of Tough Injections scheduled for June 04th-and there will be another one about a month afterwards.
I haven't felt this "desperate" in many, many years-but we are all so very human and as this Burn had continued to grow and roar over the past months, I knew it was time to put the Boxing Gloves on, head to my doctor, pour my heart out and let her know, lets do everything we can to Knock it out-Hard!!
Bless you for these words, especially as you encourage me to keep Blogging! My husband is true witness as he tells me that when I finish a Posting, he notices a look of "peace" on my face-one that was NOT there before I walked into my office! He tells me "Martha-not everybody is able to put their Heart into Words that show up on a computer screen, but you are doing it, and letting everything built up inside you because of the battle you face with Pain-and blogging is helping you!"
I am stunned always by his words, blessed by all your comments, and thankful to God for anybody who might stop by and read what it is like to live daily with Chronic Pain. You have said it before and there could be better statement- "Unless you have actually lived with Chronic Pain and had to fight it-there is no way anybody can truly understand just how hard it is!"
Betty-you are a Warrior-and one amazing woman. Keep the battle going, and know that here in this part of Texas, you will always have an old gal praying for you!
God bless you and give you days of relief!
Martha