Yesterday I was at the Pain Clinic to have my Pain Management Doctor inject my Burning butt-praying that the medicine will calm it down so I do not feel as if a Cattle Prod has been permanently attached to my behind! Its amazing to see the number of people walking in at the hour of 6:00am, when so many others are sleeping away and here others are lining up, patiently waiting their turn to be called in and hoping this visit will bring them some relief.
If you do not live with Chronic Pain on a daily basis, its almost impossible for a person to really grasp just how hard this is-you must grow an inner strength that you can pull from to keep having a normal life, in spite of Pain. So many changes are made as you walk this path, and gradually you do not notice the frustration of letting go of doing something you once treasured.
I have forgotten what it feels like to have NO Pain going on in my body-seriously, its something I don't recall anymore-lets be honest, after fifteen years of having this much Pain, I think the brain must have a way of wiping out the "memory bank of feeling good" and its replaced with "Living Bank of Pain" each day of your life.
All I had on my mind yesterday was to get the injections and pray for relief-but as we waited for my Doctor
to come inside the procedure room, we had a moment where I had been given a small injection to help me
relax and as I lay on the table, suddenly a feeling swept over me and I blurted out "So This is What My Body feels like with NO Pain! Nobody say a word, Please let me treasure this for just a second!"
It truly felt like you could hear a pin drop-the room was deadly silent and I knew all these medical professionals standing near me were sharing this moment with me. It had to be moving for all of them as I felt a nurse lean over and give me a very gentle pat on the hand, a way of assuring me, It did happen and they all were so happy for me.
God gave me an amazing Real moment of Joy yesterday-and it will stay in my heart forever-no matter how much Pain decides to fight back at me. I also realize this does not happen for many others who are suffering and my heart breaks at that thought-all I can do is Pray for you. That is something I will always be doing. If you don't mind-please say just one Prayer for me-because I know a single Prayer can take all of us a long way.
God bless you. Martha
I can't believe you posted. But, then again, that's our Martha, always looking to encourage and strengthen others. Thank you for that, Martha!
ReplyDeleteMy heart swelled with joy as I read of your REAL MOMENT OF JOY...May you always be able to recall that moment, whenever it gets unbearable for you! That is my prayer for you this morning.
May today be as if the cattle prod was removed!
Diane-
ReplyDeleteThank you for the loving words this morning! You said it all-its the reason I pushed myself to sit for a few minutes and post my "Real Moment of Joy" because I wanted to be sure the words were here for me to look at and remember-when the days get bad again.
I am not anybody special-just a woman who has been in Chronic Pain for a really long time, and if there are words I can say to offer anybody a glimmer of hope-then I have done God's will, because I know first-hand the terrible feeling of being so wrapped in Pain and thinking-is this as good as it will ever get?
Now, if I can have one good day-I will gladly take it. Guess its the give and take of living with Chronic Pain.
Time to hit the sofa-My Husband (the best nurse in the world is watching me closely) and He is my best blessing.
Love, Martha
Praying my friend.
ReplyDeleteHi Betty!
DeleteBless you for the prayers- I feel them and know they are being heard.
If you don't mind-I am doing the same prayers for you. Hang in my
friend, hang on, and know HIS arms are holding you.
love and blessings. Martha
I came yesterday but the office technician turned off our internet, so here I am again today.
ReplyDeleteI too, had my own moment of joy as I read your post, Martha. They are the essence of my prayers for your each day, as I imagine that hot iron prod burning your butt down to your legs. I have some hints of the real pain.... just a bit when my knees and legs burn.... but nothing like you are enduring.
Your normal days are those of pain now, but you had some recollection of what it is to be painless...... that is something I desire for you everyday for the rest of your life.
May God send that breakthrough soon, for you and for all those in pain all over the world.
Enjoy the comfy chair time with Matt tending you lovingly.
I hope that garden will soon be ready for viewing, with the water flowing from the Cross.
My love to you and to Matt.
Beautiful to hear of that one moment, Martha. Know you are surrounded in prayer that one moment will build into many more.
ReplyDeleteThank you Pam! I will be holding tightly to the memory of this special moment-and know it will help carry me through the tough days. It was an amazing few seconds and a true gift to have such a caring medical staff surrounding me, understanding exactly what I was feeling.
DeleteGod Bless You. martha
I just found your blog.... wow. I deal with chronic pelvic pain from endometriosis and a botched surgery and I get so very, very tired of never having one moment of no pain. It's been 16 years for me. Thank you for writing. Thank you for sharing. I'll be spending a lot of time here.
ReplyDeleteJeanine-
DeleteWELCOME! First of all, I am so sorry for the terrible Pain you are living with! Nobody really understands unless they have walked in your Shoes-and even though we hate being in Pain all the time, I know on my end that I never want to see anybody else having to suffer with Pain like we do.
Sixteen years-oh Jeanine-my heart breaks-thats a long time-too dang long, but as you know, it feels like there is no place to run or hide from the Pain.
I "hear" clearly your words of being so tired from the Pain-it is exhausting-beyond that actually and at times I feel like Fighting this Pain is my JOB now! Not a job I would have chosen!
When I first began this blog-never dreaming it would become a "tool" of coping with Pain-meaning that when I am sitting and blogging, letting my heart open up and pour out the frustration I feel about this un-ending Pain-I do notice my mind seems to "take a stroll" away from the Pain for just a bit!
That was the reason I blogged about "My Moment" because it came rushing at me on that surgery table and stunned me!
Please continue to drop by-I will have you in my daily prayers. You have been "fighting back" against your Pain for all these years-and that makes you a True Warrior in the Pain Battle!
God bless you and I will be thinking about you!
Martha Herden