Last night, The Burn decided to show up and got my attention as my leg felt like someone had put it into a game of "Squeeze the Leg" as a growing feeling of pressure and tightness woke me from much needed sleep. I lay still, trying to just think the Pain away-"Okay-its not the Burn, just a Charlie Horse Cramp in my Leg-yep thats it-just a bad Cramp!"
I jumped out of bed, standing still, feeling lost as to what my next Battle Move should be-and decided "Okay Pain-Enough of This-I need my sleep, so Go Away!" Here I stood, trying to be brave, thinking how to fight Pain off by just slipping back into bed-but within seconds, Pain had pushed me back out of bed. All I could do was walk around, hoping to summon up my fighting courage-here in the dark, as my husband slept peacefully.
Walking around in the dark-with your body wrapped in throbbing Pain is a lonely place to be-because I know there are is no Sudden Cure showing up to take this battle away from me! Only the ache of Pain telling me "Remember Martha- you climbed up the tree and fell out" Sadness hit me Hard-as I knew there is no running from living with Chronic Pain-. It was a sobering moment for me-standing in the dark of night-my body writhing with my enemy called Pain.
As I drag my tired body around-I push myself forward, knowing I must keep moving, Pain can follow along, but I will never give up the battle-and take a long hard look at a poster hanging above my computer with my Battle Motto "Pain Won't Beat Me"-it gives me a reason to keep digging deep for courage and I praise God for being with me each day as I walk my Journey with Chronic Pain.
God be with all who suffer with Chronic Pain-please know I say a Prayer today for you, and I kindly ask you, say one prayer for me-its a way we can help each other. God bless. Martha
Martha, please know that although I haven't been to your blog in a week, you are always in my heart and I lift you up to our Father. I'm so sorry you had a bad night. I pray this night will bring sweet rest to you, my friend! I send you a great big hug!
ReplyDeleteDiane-
DeleteJust "seeing" your name as one of my comments is MORE than enough for me to know-you are there with me in prayer! This is the battle-so many twists and turns in it-and last night was ROUGH. Today has proven to be no easier.
But I know-keep moving, praying and HE will give me the strength I need to carry on through this journey of Chronic Pain. I have thought about you every single day!!
All my love and a BIG Texas HUG comes your way! Martha
Dig deep my friend. Wish we lived close and I would come over and we could cry together, pray together, have communion together as our dear sister Diane wrote about. Those alone tears you have shed have a purpose. This old song came sweetly into my soul as I read your post. Many nights I have sang this softly as I fought the same battle you fight. We will win my sister, WE HAVE WON. The key is to let the devil know HE HAS LOST. Tears, speaking out loud the words on your poster, prayer, seeking prayer from others, putting yourself out there for all to see, the good, the bad and the ugly, trusting this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteIt is in the alone time with only God to cry out to you gain your strength. Praying.
He Washed My Eyes With Tears
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see,
The broken heart I had was good for me;
He tore it all apart and looked inside,
He found it full of fear and foolish pride.
He swept away the things that made me blind
And then I saw the clouds were silver lined;
And now I understand 'twas best for me
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
2.
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see
The glory of Himself revealed to me;
I did not know that He had wounded hands
I saw the blood He spilt upon the sands.
I saw the marks of shame and wept and cried;
He was my substitute for me He died;
And now I'm glad He came so tenderly;
And washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
Betty-
DeleteOh my goodness-I drew a Deep breath-as I am taking all of your loving message to me into my heart! How these words comfort me-please know they do! Today has proven to be just as rough as last night, but instead of doing nothing, I forced myself up, and decided it was time to Clean House!
Probably sounds a bit strange, but its a way for me to rise above the Pain and do something, anything and I do love my house to be clean. My dear Matt helped as he could, but if you could see us right now, we truly look like the "Walking Wounded" as the severe gout he had just gotten over-well it decided to show up again and he is now walking with a painful limp!!
We laugh and shake our heads, thinking "This Must Look Really Bad to folks" and then we keep going-what else can we do.
The SONG you shared with me-I can't put all the words to it that I would want to give-because the words of it touches my soul and every line-the meaning is clear as to how much God truly loves us all.
I am blessed to know you Betty-you honor me with words that I do not feel worthy of-but I do take each word and hold them close to my heart.
God bless you and I pray your Pain is giving you some moments of relief.
Love, Martha
Betty-
DeleteMy courageous wise hearted friend, you are always amazing with you coming over to Martha's..... singing over her pain, softly sending those melodies up to heaven.... and He is washing her eyes, for relief, for relaxing troubled mind and heart, for easing the pain..... for giving her rest for the night.
Martha-
What a gift of a song, one I haven't sang yet. Betty is such a wonderful bringer of heavenly songs.
Praying also for Matt. I know that one for my fingers are arthritic.
May the weekend finds you in good spirit and in Godly joy!!!!
With my love.
Lolita-
DeleteYou have a depth of insight that runs so deep and your Love of God is so pure and beautiful! Thank you for the prayers-Last night proved yet again to be a hard night, and I didn't find sleep until 5:00am-got a couple of hours. I will take that.
Thank you so much for the prayers you offer up for Matt also. It seems that he knows when I am not resting and he too was up, walking around when he saw me sleeping on the sofa-something I haven't done in a LONG time-I think exhaustion got me that far and it looked like a soft place to fall.
We will get through it all-God is indeed walking the Path with us. But to hear your words-how they lift me up!
I send my blessings your way dear Lolita.
Martha
Martha, I am praying that the miracle will come as you get another shot early next moth.
ReplyDeleteAnd for now, I am lifting you up upon Jesus lap, for your pain to be tied at Jesus' cross. It was the same tree that yielded the wood for Jesus' cross. Let Him carry the pain upon His Cross. Yes, He loves to give us a light load, or no loads at all.
My prayers are for your relief, dear Martha.
I claim it from the promises of God, that in Jesus mighty Name...... you be healed and free from afflictions. Amen!
Hugs and love to you, dear.
Lolita-
Deletethank you so much for praying these words of love and concern for me. You are so right-all we need do is stop-and take in how much Jesus went through-because of the word LOVE.
Your Prayer for the shots that are soon ahead for me to be a "miracle" of sorts means so much. This Sciatica Pain is a force like none other and I am determined to give it everything in me-and then allow the Doctor her time at the Battlefield and know, God is watching over her and helping to slay this wicked Pain.
Bless you my dear wonderful Lolita!
Hugs from your Texas Friend. Martha
My dear cirle of wise hearted frinnds, we will sing around the throne someday words thanking Him for the tears He allowed us here on earth. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteYes Betty-
DeleteOne day this will all be like a very distant memory and it will be beautiful to be near the Lord. I am so very human and hope HE will give me lots more years to grow OLD with my dear Matt!! But you are so right about the tears-it is cleansing when I finally put aside all my guards and let the tears flow.
Found out this week I have lost a lot of hearing and must have injections in the ear so we can save it! Some type of auto-immune who knows what thing that sneaks up and loves to rob the hearing. Messes the inner ear up too. I had it years ago and thought I was done with it==guess not.. But this too shall pass.
thanks for the love Betty. God bless you! martha
Martha, some friends and I have this little phrase we use when one thing after another comes at us, " and the hits just keep coming." That was my thought as I read your reply.
ReplyDeleteI recently had a color and upper GI test and found out I have a slow stomach, probably age related so the doctor said. Trying some new meds to speed up the time it takes my stomach to digest my food, along with eating smaller meals, watching what I eat. Anyway the meds are kicking my fibermyalgia up to a 10...ouch. I am not suppose to take my usual pain meds, Naproxen as it is hard on the stomach...another ouch. So back to the basic tylenol...may have to make a trip to the doctor this week if it does not let up. (have you ever tried acupuncture).
By the way, I am just as human, would like to dance (can hardly walk now) at my Grand children weddings. Still would love a dream trip to Montana mountains, yeah got a few more dreams left in this frail body.
I just thought of this. This past week I did that colon cleanse so I could have the test done. My fibermyalgia pain level went down after all the junk was out of my body...my inflamation leven went down. It's exactly what happens when we cry, we have a "soul cleansing" and all the junk washes out and our stress level goes down. Hummmm wonder if we could put this in pill form, crying pills...we could make a fortune Martha...blessing my friend.
Betty-
Deleteyou are priceless my dear friend!!! I am also facing the lovely Colonoscopy exam!! been putting it off until i can get through these two rounds of injections for the butt. I need every chance for that to WORK. Yesterday our Priest had the monthly healing service and anybody could be annointed if they desired. My surprise was to see my husband walking ahead of me for his turn!! When I got in front of our Priest, I closed my eyes and begged God to help my doctor KNOCK this Burning Butt Pain out of the way.
Matt told me earlier-"martha-if you don't pray for YOU, your needs, how in the heck is HE going to know what you need?"
wise man-think i will keep him forever.
Betty-you HANG on with all you have for those dreams. I KNOW that feeling-and it is HARD to let them go. But i have also learned-"to put my big girl panties on" be an adult and look for something simple that can still bring me some joy. Dancing-omg, betty-i LOVE to dance. At this wedding we attended recently, matt did NOT want to see me putting myself through the effort-primarily because he KNEW the dance would be SHORT and his bigger concern was how much sadness would hit me when I found out, "Heh martha-you best sit the old body down." we managed about four dance steps, i had my arms around matt and just said "Time to take this old gal home!" Onward and upward as they say.
CRYING PILLS--omg-could we BLOG about that one or WHAT?
I love you betty. my heart aches for the Pain you must go through. Please GOD-give Betty a small or long break-from the Pain-Please!--Thank you God, this is Martha!
Goodness I have one more thing. Love it that you clean house even in pain...I do too. Somehow it a release of stress when I know my house is clean. So there is a tear cleanse, a cleaning cleanse...working on our product to sell. Now I am going to bed, the second tylenol has kicked in.
ReplyDeleteBetty-
DeleteI can see it in my mind-A woman drags herself out of bed, obviously in PAIN, looks for all the house cleaning tools, decides that she has put off far too long of looking under the bed and cleaning that area! As she struggles down to the floor, her brain is saying "How the Heck will I ever get back up?"
Thats when the tears flow-the woman who could once clean her home with such ease, and feel such pride as it shined from all the love she had put into it! Now the woman uses the bed as a TOOL to help her get back up-this process is NOT fast-and once she is standing, her BODY just FLOPS onto the BED-face down, cleaning rag still in her hand as she starts to mumble "Now just how much FUN was that?" Husband strolls by and casually asks "So Dear, how is the house cleaning coming?" The woman lifts her head and sends a Glance his way that sends him running from the room as he says "Well, you don't have to clean it all today!"
Her head flops again, tears ready to pour and she says, "God you are gonna have to help me-cause I am simply having too much fun?"
Yes dear Betty-I can see it-EASY CURES TO GIVE SOME RELIEF FROM CHRONIC PAIN-
Have you tried our new Tear Pills? Well let me tell you, they are the best thing on the market and are guaranteed to put you on a crying Jag like none you have ever had! In addition to our Tear Pills, we will also throw in a Colon Cleansing-again a process that will help the Tears flow, along with everything else in your body! After you have taken these first two products, we then advise you get up from bed and give your home a thorough cleaning! You will be surprised at how different your pain feels. We look forward to hearing from you!
Betty- I could NOT help myself-you gave me too much material and I had to run with it!!!! Where oh where are my Tear Pills? We must get Veronica to do a Shtick Figure with Tear Pill Bottle in one hand, Colon Prep in the other and a Mop sitting in a Bucket nearby!!!! You have lifted my day in a way I never dreamed could happen.. Just before i checked my blog, I had proceeded to knock a glass of water over my laptop keyboard!! Found out just how FAST this old gal can still move to clean, clean, and clean the water off. Then I got my hair dryer out and was praying the entire time! I could see my blog just drifting away-never to be found again!!
Betty and Everyone else suffering with Pain-
DeleteSometimes we truly need a GOOD Belly Laugh-even in the darkest moments of Pain. Thank you Betty for sending me some joyous laughter that I needed so much today.
God bless and much love. Martha
my sister you need to blog something about the material the Lord gave you through me...by the way just reading how God gave you a few laughs through me makes this old body feel better. It is true, along with tears, laughter is good meds...Happy Memorial day
ReplyDeleteBetty-
DeleteBLess you and then some more!! I was laughing so much as I typed away and was almost writing it as if it were already a special TV ad for CHRONIC PAIN CURES!!!
You are right-we NEED to laugh..... I love you dear friend.
Happy Memorial Day to you also. Just an fyi-i went to a small school here in texas and many of my friends had the last name you do!!!! Guess we were destined to have a easy Bonding!
You touch me with your faith dear lady-I listen to your words and realize, 'martha-grow up kiddo-others are carrying a much heavier pain load' and I feel very humble.....
Keep going dear Betty! Lol, martha