Taking a Test Drive today..

Its easy to start feeling "house bound" due to endless days of Chronic Pain as a desire to escape rises-we push to find courage to just Do it! Over a period of five days, my dear husband kept asking me "Are you sure about taking a ride in the car? Don't you think this will agitate the Butt Pain?  How about we take a short trip to the grocery store?"

He was giving me every chance to say No-but I wanted to get out and see the world around me, hoping to give a brief reprieve from dwelling on Pain, sending stabbing signals, letting me know its readhy to Wake Up!  I knew if we stood any chance for some relaxation, it needed to happen today-as my  Pain Window is opening wider each second.  We  talked about driving to a town about 75 miles away to see a  old Catholic Church, built in the late 1800's- its beauty  known all around the state-and this was the plan we stayed focused on, but when I got up this morning-a sadness hit me, serving as a reminder of how tough this day would be.  I  asked Matt to give me a hour or two before we left so I could get the Pain levels to a "manageable state" and off we went.

Pain has taught me many lessons about courage, and is also a teaching tool of the worst kind-as we sat at the drive-though window of our local bank, getting a bit of "play/lunch money" suddenly Pain showed up-demanding I watch the Pain lesson waiting for me.  A truck was parked across the street as a man was loading logs from a old tree having been cut down-but he wasn't loading them with the easy manner of giving them a strong toss toward the truck-Pain was crushing him-I saw a horrible limp in his leg, his hand going to his back, grabbing for a throbbing Pain he couldn't reach-but trying to reach the agony inside his body.  At one point he almost fell over while picking a log up from the ground-I wanted to bolt from the car and help him!  His obvious suffering was so Hard to watch-for I knew there had been a day when this man was strong, vital, able to do anything he wanted and no log could knock him to the ground.

My husband finished his business with the bank but he also sat frozen, our car not moving as his eyes caught Wicked Pain being played out in front of us!  Everything was silent-the world seemed to stop moving as we watched this man struggling to still be a Man-yet working against the worst odds anybody could dream of.  Finally Matt knew we had to move, and said "Martha-be thankful for what you have, all we can do is Pray."  My husband knew much more than I could understand-if either of us had stopped and pushed our way forward to help this man with the logs-he would have probably stood his ground, thanked us and said "I have this-don't worry, they are just logs!" We drove away knowing Pain would stay behind us, doing its damage as the man fought to retain his courage while suffering through unspeakable Pain.

We drove to our destination without a single word being spoken between us-somehow we both needed silence-giving time to reflect on what we had witnessed.  Seeing a person in such Pain was not a new event for us-this scene held a stronger message for us-it was a Sobering Reminder of our own lives.
My husband has watched me crouched on the ground, struggling to perform simple tasks-planting a new plant in the ground-having to stand silent as he watches Pain versus Martha-locked in a vicious struggle.
How does he feel-knowing this moment will be played out again each day? Does he worry a day will come when Pain has robbed all the fighting spirit within me?  One awful day in time so long ago has put the love of my life in a role I never wished for him- all I can is love him more each day and be grateful to God for having this fine man in  my life.

Once we reached the church, surrounded by breath-taking beauty, all we could do was find a pew, sit in silent prayer-asking God to help the man we saw suffering this morning, and also asking God to stay close to us-and help us take our life together, one step, one day at a time and be grateful for what we have.  My Pain managed to hold back until we had left the church-me hoping to see more of the town, but  Matt took one look at me and said, "Its time we headed back home, don't you agree!"  I gave him a weak Yes and the road suddenly looked good as I thought about how wonderful it would be to rest when we reached home.

Test-driving today took us on a very different path-so unexpected and yet filled with a message for us-helping us to truly appreciate all our blessings and knowing we are Not Alone as we walk this Pain Journey-God is right beside us.

I prayed hard for that man-just as I do for all those who suffer so much with Chronic Pain.  There are no easy answers to Chronic Pain-God how I wish there were, but if we lift each other up, even by a short prayer, a quick smile, helping to let the other person know "Yes, I do understand how hard it is."

Bless all of you.  Martha