When you suffer with Chronic Pain for years, its easy to start feeling like a bit of an "expert" in the field of Chronic Pain and due to my Husband's recent injury and surgery-I found myself blurting out suggestions on how he should deal with his Pain. Yet when he left my side and was rolled off to surgery yesterday, I felt helpless-I am usually the person in this area-not my husband-although I knew he was in good hands and trusted his doctor, I found myself saying with my voice filled with emotion "Doctor, you bring this Man back safe and sound to me, Okay!" He understood-I could see the look in his eyes and yet I really didn't relax fully until I was standing by my husband, watching him laughing and cutting up as he was finding his way out of the "Medical Haze" not making a lot of sense-and I silently was thanking God-knowing everything would be okay.
Things were okay-until in the night, I heard my husband get up and knew he was headed to his office-and as I rounded the corner, his first words were "Oh My God-My Hand is throbbing-Get me some Medicine!" Yes-the moment of truth, when the numbing injection in his thumb had worn off and now he was feeling the full effects of having been through surgery with the added Pain of two Pins inserted to hold his broken bones together. I rushed to get his medications, checking to make sure he was following the dosage times and then trying to explain the importance of putting some Ice on his Hand! The look on his face was a New one for me-as it felt like he wanted to scream "Have you lost your mind? I want this Pain Gone!" Here we stood-in such unfamiliar spots for each of us-as I tried to explain the help Ice will bring to him, and him urgently wanting just one thing-Get the Pain to Go Away!
One thing I didn't realize was the Pins inserted to hold his bones in place were very close to the surface, just wrapped under the surgical bandages and he was worried that if his hand were to get bumped during the night, well all I can say is we both knew it was not going to be pretty! My craft skills suddenly came to mind as I thought about the Quilting Batting I use in different projects and knew we could wrap a piece of this around the area to give it better protection-of course my husband is not grasping my thoughts and I just told him to "follow me-I will help you out on this" and so off we go to my Sewing area-and as I am cutting a piece of the Batting, he looks at me, hand throbbing, his face contorted in Pain and asks "Why are you using such Small scissors to do this?" Oops-my Embroidery Scissors-gee I felt like they were moving fast but obviously-not fast enough for this man who was in Pain!
We got his hand wrapped, and finally settled back down in bed, both of us hoping the night would get better. One minute we are talking quietly, and the next thing I hear is the sound of his familiar Snoring! I was thrilled and hoped he could finally get the rest his body needed. Within two hours, my Pain decides to pay me a visit with Leg Cramps that demanded I spring out of bed, and as I stand there, stomping my leg to force the cramps to ease down, I heard the familiar Snoring sound and thought-"You lucky Dog!!"
Yes-now we were back in the correct roles of Pain. I battled through the leg cramps, crawled back into bed and gave my husband a gentle Pat on the arm. Then I said a heart-felt Thank you to God.
Its been very hard for me to see him suffering like this-and yet it has opened my eyes to how hard his role is-seeing me in constant Pain and knowing, there is no special late night medicine, or special leg wrap to silence my Pain-instead its the cold reality that like it or not-I choose to battle back against the Pain. I really do wish my husband had not broken his thumb so badly-but in some strange way, God has helped me to see a different Face of Pain-and I am thankful for it-and so glad I can help my husband through this.
All of this started because I wanted some new plants-might be wise to look at something else in the future.
God bless everyone who walks with Pain-please be strong and Know-I do keep you in my prayers.
Martha
Oh, Martha, I hope last night's sleep was better for both of you!
ReplyDeleteAnd as you are glad, then so am I, that you got to see a different "face of pain". You can now see through Matt's eyes. God bless you!
Diane-
Deletethank you for the caring words and yes, we both are feeling more rested, but it is amazing to see both of us now having to "listen" to our individual Pains-and then for me to understand, I must be very patient and give Matt all the time he needs to heal from this injury.
We took a short walk today and as we were returning to our porch, both of us had one arm wrapped around the other, as we were supporting each other, and while stopping for a slight rest, we looked at each other and said "Well, thank God we have each other!"
Yes-Thank God for so much and my eyes have truly been opened more as I helplessly watch my dear husband suffering. Not a pleasant journey to be on, but I know, there are lessons here for me to learn and grow from.
One day at a time.
Thank you for the prayers and love Diane. Martha