Why do I fight so hard against Pain?

I was sitting in church this evening with my husband and these words suddenly were ringing in my head, trying to get my attention-feeling as if a "demand" of sorts was being put in front of me and I knew-this question needs an answer, especially from me!  Some of the reasons I fight so hard to keep Chronic Pain from taking all of me is pretty simple, a "fighting spirit" was instilled inside a little girl (me) which I learned to use as a way of letting two older brothers know, their little sister could rise up and defend herself-no matter what was being thrown her way.

That Fighting Spirit was always inside me-yet I rarely used it-because I always heard words taught by my Mom a long time ago when she would tell me "Sister- don't get down in the dirt and fight with them-rise above them and walk away!"  Perhaps she did not want to see her little girl slugging it out with her sons, knowing I would always lose that battle.

I had no clue when Pain arrived in my life that I would be faced with some of the toughest battles ever-and it took me a long time to decide I was ready to dig Deep inside and start fighting back against this monster called Chronic Pain.  After a major Staph Infection that almost took my life, I sat in a chair, doing next to nothing for almost two years and one day it hit me-either I would stay in the chair, or I would make the decision to rise up and begin the journey back-hoping I could still find some of Me left!

One thing I want to share is that not everybody can fight Chronic Pain-its robbed them of so much- making it almost impossible to Fight Pain. People like thise are true Pain Warriors, because they still find moments of life to enjoy and treasure.  Angry words probably don't come flying out-another sign of true courage-as they carry Pain in silence, not wanting to burden others with their frustrations-Real courage abounds in people who handle the journey in this manner.

You might ask- "Martha-don't you get Tired of fighting all the time with Pain"?  Yes-there are moments in this long journey-where I have truly questioned my ability to take this battle all the way-meaning Pain being with me as I hopefully head toward my "golden years of life" with my dear husband!  These moments are very scary for me-but I take a moment to recall the Darkest Days and know God was right beside me, gently helping me find the strength to rise again and take the Pain on.

I would never have brought this question up if it hadn't been for what I call my God Moment-yesterday we both had to visit the ear doctor as we have been missing words, not hearing things right and figured all we needed was something for our seasonal allergies.  Wrong!  We both got hearing test results showing a loss of hearing for both of us and mine being severe!  I now get the joy of having a needle injected into my ear to put a medication in so we can save my hearing!  But suddenly  this amazing Physician's Assistant sat there and said words I have Never heard from anybody in the medical profession "Are you Believers?"

We looked at each other in shock-Matt was sitting closer to her and asked for a repeat of the question because he simply could not believe what he heard, again she gently repeated "Are you Believers-do you believe in Jesus and all HE did for us?"  Wow-almost in unison we both answered,  Yes!
Now she had my attention and I asked "Why are you asking this question of us?"  She answered with such faith and said "Well, Jesus never promised us life would be easy here on Earth-but as I have watched you both today, I feel your Spirit is strong and HE will be with you Both-all the way!

Matt asked for her business card-and told her how touched he was to have met her and witness her faith in action!  I sat quietly watching them talk and it hit me "As I battle with this Pain each day, I am never alone!" Suddenly my husband told her that I have a blog site about Chronic Pain and whipped out one of my cards-she held it for the longest time, walked over to me and said "God is really using your Pain and helping you to reach out to others, sharing what you go through and showing your Faith in action!"

Who knew I would find the answer to my question-in such a way as this?  I could have chosen to not answer her question-and just look away, but I knew God was there, watching this moment unfold and to see what I learned from this amazing woman.  I could not think of a better moment of Joy than this one!

Thank you for allowing me to post this lengthy blog, but sometimes its not easy to put all this down in just a few words.  God bless you and I pray for all who must live with Chronic Pain.  Martha