Finding our Inner Reserve---

We never really understand just how much strength is hidden deep within us-because when everyday life is moving along with no real major problems, there is no need to check and see how "full the Strength Tank" is-because who would think of needing to dig so deep to find it.

Before I fell out of the tree, you could compare me to a smooth running machine, doing so many different things in one day, taking on hard labor-intensive projects, determined to see them to the end.  We have a very old Barn here on our Farm and a few months before the fall, our hay crop came in "big" and we rushed to get it stored safely, in case Rain might come. My mind goes back to standing in an old attic part of the barn, being able to stack three bales of hay-each weighing about forty pounds-and I recall the thrill inside me that day of being able to do the work of any man!

Each day as I started another project, my "Gas Tank of Strength" seemed to surge and I made sure to Empty that tank each day-pushing myself to tackle even harder physical jobs.  Then came the day- and within a brief flash of time, my Tank was empty and I didn't have a clue as to the nightmare of Pain that lay ahead for me.

Pain has changed me in many ways-the physical ones are easy to see-the emotional wounds stay hidden-because it takes a great deal out of me to break down and allow myself  time for to feel sadness about my Pain Battle.  Yet Pain has also taught me so much about that "Inner Reserve"  we all have-each of us finding it in our own way.

Believe me when I say there are many days when I feel like my Gas Tank is Gone-meaning its a chore just to move around the house and at these times, I know Pain is pushing hard and for me to stay in the fight, I must stop, rest and allow my Tank to fill up again with inner courage.  I guess you could say its a Push/Pull type of Battle with Chronic Pain.

I have my motto "Pain Won't Beat Me" on a poster that hangs above my computer-its there to keep me focused-especially when the battle is roaring away and trying to throw me out of the Ring-as I read those words, I am praying to God-asking Him to help fill my Inner Gas Tank-so that I can keep moving, and finding a bit of Joy in each Day.  Today I was able to walk outside and simply enjoy the beauty of Spring
all around me-thats not a bad way to feel some Joy.

Please stay strong, and know we all have our own inner reserve of extra courage and strength-sometimes we are forced to really dig deep for it-but its there.  God bless.  Martha