Having to face my Shallow Bucket!

Each morning I get up with my body aching, letting me know Pain has not left-instead it allowed me a few hours of sleep and is always ready to join me as I find my way through the day.  I had a Dental appointment this morning-never a fun place to be but My Dentist is caring and realizes how much Pain I live with-so he works very hard to not cause me any further Pain.

I was waiting for his question "Are you wearing your Night Guard to ease the Grinding you are doing?"  My eyes did not meet his as I sat looking down, feeling like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar-but the Dentist showed no sign of letting the issue go away.  He waited patiently-no words being spoken-as I finally looked up at him, glaring as I said "No-so there, You have the Answer!"  I was a bit shocked to feel this much frustration, and really couldn't get a good handle on why I was acting this way.

My anger pushed forward as I rattled off a list of symptoms that shout "This Gal is really Grinding her Teeth" and words began tumbling out "I couldn't chase the Chickens yesterday, Pain is with me all the time, My Sciatic Nerve Burn is trying to Roar back to life, and well-guess you get the picture!"  Little did I know, God was showing up to send me a message-there was a long pause and then he started:

 "Martha-you don't have a Full Bucket of Energy, the sweet Technician sitting  beside you-well she has a Full Bucket and can grab a handful of energy to tackle something without any trouble!  My Bucket is Half Full-and I have learned how many times I can reach inside-but Your Bucket is very Shallow-every Bump you hit, every time your Pain screams at you, there is very little Energy left in your Bucket to help you bounce back!


I wanted to scream "Do you understand how Hard it is to have a Shallow Bucket?" But I knew it was time to listen and be open so the words could sink into my heart.   How could my Dentist know the exact words to say, realizing their heavy Weight and yet cared enough to help me hear them!  Silence filled the room-Tears were ready to flow-but as usual, I pushed them down and asked "Well-it sounds like you are telling me it might be a good idea if I just learned how to Chill out a bit more than I do!"  A huge smile exploded across his face as he said "Yes!"


Its not fun to face the facts-but sometimes we just have to do it!  I asked my dear Husband one question tonight-"Can you tell me One Thing You miss seeing in me since I have been in Pain?" He paused, taking a second to be sure I wanted to hear his answer, and said "I miss your Smile!" It took a lot for 
him to say the words and I knew-its true-I do not Smile as much-because the Battle is Hard and after all, I do indeed have a Shallow Bucket-but by the grace of God, I still have my Bucket around!


Tonight as I sit here at my computer, my Joy moment arrived-as I looked up to see a Poster hanging on the wall, reminding me of my motto "Pain Won't Beat Me" helping me to see past the Pain!  There is no easy secret on how to cope with Chronic Pain-but please know, you are Not Alone and I do pray each day for all who are suffering.

God bless. Martha