I recently heard this expression from one of my Blogging Friends-Betty, who explained the meaning of these words in relation to Chronic Pain-lets just say it was a true "Gift from God" as I needed to understand it fully. My need to understand it is simple-I am truly scared of having to admit "My Pain is Very Tiring and Hard to live With" even as I know, people are suffering their own battle of Pain as its probably one hundred times worse than what I deal with.
Last night I arrived at the "Wall" again and this time-I couldn't dig as deep to find more inner courage and just shake it off-using my determination to never let this Pain beat Me. My heart said "Kiddo-you need
to get on a Crying Jag-big time" but even that frightened me. So I thought a lot about this PAIN-my sidekick for all these years and admitted some things about my Pain- "I don't like it, Pain Wears hard on my body- and yet here I am, thanking God as this Birthday arrived."
All these feelings are okay to have-and if we have to spend a bit more time at the "Wall", its not fun, but as fear arrives- I reach for that Hand-His Hand of Love and Nurturing! Slowly I find my way back up, perhaps a bit more beaten up from the Pain, but still here!
I do not want to miss the joy of being with the love of my life, Heh Husband! Our Joy doesn't need to be filled with major trips-but can be just as meaningful as we Sit on our Porch and share the moment together. Maybe I learned a lesson at the "Wall"-I am a woman who had a really bad accident, and I know the Pain will follow me but God is beside me, He sends me friends who will pray for me-even when I am not asking for Prayer. That is a real blessing.
Today came and went-I didn't rush my way through it-instead I relaxed and cherished the day as I adjust to
my New Age Number! Many birthday wishes arrived, with love for me on this day. Its not hard to find my
Joy Moment on this day- It arrived the second my eyes opened and I thanked God for giving me this day.
God be with all those who suffer and face their "Wall" in the Journey with Chronic Pain.
Martha
I'm so sorry you "hit the wall". You've been on my heart so deeply. I've been praying for you. I almost called you two days in a row. But, felt a check in my spirit not to. I don't understand why. But, God does. And, hopefully, you do as well, Martha. I don't want you to think I don't care.
ReplyDeleteI send you a big HUGGGG.
Diane-
DeleteOf ALL the people I know in my life-dear friend-you are the Last person I would ever give any doubt as to the level of How deeply you care for others......
I think there was a "reason" for your not calling-This time of hitting the "Wall" shook me up! Fear rose up and I simply could not slap it back down. Matt stayed up with me till 3:00am-listening as I talked about the Fears-letting myself be Honest as to how Tired the Battle has Made Me feel.
Heh Husband knows me so well-the Fear in me was obvious, and he knew "Martha is the only one who can find her way past this "Wall" and something tells me as I rattled on-he was doing a lot of praying for me!
I finally tossed my head back and yelled "Devil, Go Sit on a Tack!" Before I knew it, we were peacefully sleeping-my heart tells me God was covering us with HIS Love!
My body is still very tired, but I am feeling better. I had one of the "quietest" birthdays ever-and it was such a blessing. Three women from our church called me-to send birthday wishes my way and I had many emails, cards-LOVE!!
Diane-I could feel your loving Spirit near me all day yesterday!
Veronica and her dear family called and gave me a LOVING Birthday wish....
With this much LOVE in my life-I can hit that "Wall" and find the spiritual courage to rise back up.
Its a safe bet to say that yesterday "God was right here beside me!"
I love you dear friend. Always and forever. Martha
I'm so glad to hear that! Thank You, Jesus! I was going to call today, but my son is here - long story...
DeleteHopefully, over the weekend, we can connect. I love you. Rest in HH arms!
Diane-
DeleteYour prayers are always felt by me--trust that. I will be around all weekend-Monday is my last round of Injections and I am letting my body Rest and be Peaceful so this time will go smoother and hopefully, God will help guide the needles to give me the most relief I can get.
Just buzz when you have time. I love you.
Martha
Oh, Martha... when you describe yelling at the Devil, my heart cries "that is so right!" We belong to Jesus and the devil has no rights. I'm praying in the spirit every day now and I know He is speaking your name before the throne amongst those prayers! I've also been praying to God to be our covering, like our Husband, as He says. Your husband is a covering of prayer for you, but I love that God is even more so for all of us :) God bless your sleep tonight with peace!
ReplyDeletePam-
DeleteBless you for this spiritual uplifting. My Mom taught me to "chase that Devil away by Yelling the words I did" and it was amazing to see how quick Peace settled over my body.
I can fight this Pain-but realize its OKAY to have moments of Fear, Exhaustion-and doubts. God is right there-and I have really felt HIM these last two days. Thank God for my dear Heh Husband-he is my ROCK.
Bless you Pam. Thank you for caring.
Martha
I was quiet too yesterday, Martha.
ReplyDeleteI refrained from writing anything..... I just let it go and said a silent prayer, that God will send the Pain away, even for a short while, as it was your Birthday.
I thank God that He gave you sleep, no matter how short, as long as your body could ease up a bit. Hope you are gonna get a longer one.
My hugs to you, Martha. And you cast the enemy of our soul out of your body and your home. "Jesus is greater than he."
Peace and rest is my wish for you both, over the weekend.
Hugs.
Sweet Lolita-
DeleteYour prayers are answered dear friend-its been very peaceful today and I have taken better care of myself-understanding this Pain demands so much of me.
I have my last big round of Injections on Monday-and I truly am praying God will help my doctor with guiding the needles. After this round, I will have to wait several months before doing anything else. Guess I need to recall what my Daddy told me-
"Sister-that leg Pain is gonna be with you from now on. So you gotta be tough!"
Okay Daddy-if you don't mind, please ask the Lord to hold me tight and watch over me so all goes well.
Thank you for the prayers Lolita-other people are suffering much worse than me. I must always remember that.
Blessings to you dear friend.
Martha