First of all, the title I gave this Posting-let me just say its easy to Say the words-but Hard to Really Do it! Someone asked me recently "How do you manage to Live with So much Pain in your life each day?" Part of me wanted to say "I Don't" but I knew those words only come on the worst days and it made me stop to think how my life has changed as I open my Heart, to see the Positives I do have in my life!
I am thankful for each day God gives me-there is my starting point, as I drag my aching body around, I realize another tool-Pain has not taken everything from me-yes there are tons of changes in my life, I am not that wide-eyed young woman who felt she could accomplish any task put before her. Now I must stop and think before I try to tackle any form of physical work-because Pain has a wicked way of getting your attention to let you know "Heh, looks like you forgot about Me-not a good idea to do that!"
Many years flew by me with tons of resentment growing inside my heart. One day I was finally hit with the realization of not being able to do a simple task-and my anger exploded toward God-all rolling out of me in sobbing words of heartache! I sat down and really Prayed-like I hadn't done in a long time and anger vanished, being replaced with Hope-it was a beautiful starting place for me.
I have had many ups and downs since that day-but I do everything possible to keep from sliding back to that place I lived in-where nobody visited, I spent my days in a chair, ignoring phone calls, offers of help- it was just Me and the Pain-not a pretty picture. Prayer helped me to look past the Negative aspects Pain has brought into my life-instead learning to cherish the small victories in my life! My eyes have been opened wide to all those around me-who also walk this path of living with Chronic Pain and these are the most humbling moments in my life-its as if I am looking in a mirror, and Prayer for others comes quickly.
Today I went outside to trim plants-all I had to do was gently bend over and cut the dead flowers away-sounds easy-yet it took three hours, with several Moments of Rest, coming inside to flop on the bed in complete exhaustion-and let my body rest! My level of frustration was Huge but instead of fuming about having to Rest so much, I had a Chat with myself- "Martha-its okay if you don't get this done today!"
I am learning its really Okay to give my old body a break-but please know, I don't Talk to Martha that often, because she can be very Stubborn!
Each person has their way of coping with Pain and I will never judge them-instead I will listen and learn from them. I pray for everyone who has to live with Chronic Pain-hang in there and if you get a chance, please say One Prayer for Me. God bless you. Martha
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